It’s already Tuesday evening and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on. Ever since I got out of the hospital last year I’ve lost the ability to comprehend time. Days, weeks and months merge together and it’s extremely confusing. But I’m trying to stop myself for loosing “control.” Tonight I’m going to my mental health support group which helps to keep me grounded. Although it’s scary to be around other people, their support and advice helps immensely. After the group we always go to dinner and continue our conversations. I’m still trying to get used to human contact and being around people my age. For most of my life I’ve surrounded myself with people older than me. I was convinced that no one my age would like me because I was worthless and weak (in fact my current best friend is 51). On top of that I was scared of people my age because I couldn’t relate. I don’t like the same things as most young people and I’ve yet to find anyone as obsessed with information/knowledge/research as me (it doesn’t help that most of my friends over the last 7 years had been drug dealers and addicts. In fact, I’ve become so used to being around addicts that I’m still struggling to converse with someone who does not use). Regardless, I have to force myself to go tonight so that I can break out of my shell and try to overcome my social anxiety.
After the dinner I will be working. I have a part-time job, well it’s not exactly a part-time job. The owner, who is also my best friend, understands my mental health struggles and allows me to come in when I want to. However, due to the leniency I’ve been lazy the last few months and not worked. Because of this of have not been helping my parents with money and bills. But, I’m finally going to push myself and start working as I need to get out of my apartment and help my parents out.
This is going to be a short post today because I’m struggling to write. Everything I’ve written seems horrible and I’m still struggling with past/present tense (something I’ve I had a hard time with since middle school, so I apologize about the horrible nature of this post and the fact that the tenses make no sense).
I hope you are all well and I look forward to hearing from you. Also, I wondering if you guys have any ideas/suggestions/topics you would like me to write about in my next post. I want to try something different and have my readers decide the topic. So please, comment and tell me what you are interested in and why. Also, I want to encourage my readers to actively participate in the comment section, as I believe discussion and debate is a great way to build up this community.