I will be posting soon

For the first time in awhile, I will be positing something positive. In the last 2 weeks, something good has finally happened in my life. Through one of my support groups, I’ve found a small group of people that are similar to me and enjoy spending time with me. You heard it right, for the first time in over a year, I’m spending time with other human beings and honestly, I’m actually enjoying it. 

I need to go to sleep. I hope you are all well and I look forward to writing a full post soon, 

Dave. 

Avoidance and Anxiety

I’ve spent most of the weekend (well actually the last few days) avoiding blog posting. It is really frustrating because I thought I had gotten myself back into posting, but like clockwork I’ve spent most of the week avoiding it. Avoidance comes so easily to me, I don’t even have to think about it. I just get myself distracted, complain that I’m not writing (or doing whatever activity I am  avoiding) and before I know it, weeks have gone by and I’ve spent most of that time doing nothing. I fucking hate when I do this, but my subconscious mind loves to fuck with me. As I stated this has become second-nature. I’ve been fighting this habit (and losing) for almost a decade. There are dozens of activities that I have given up on because I started avoiding them, even though I really liked doing them.

I know this paragraph is repetitive, but I needed to forced myself to write something, to try and remind myself that I actually like to write. Hopefully I can re-motivate myself, because I really do want to continue writing.

I hope you are all having a great weekend and hopefully I will post again in the next few days,

Dave.

Sorry for the absence

For the last week, my life has been an complete mess (more than usual, in fact I had a major breakdown, something that hasn’t happened in a few months) and I have been struggling to get myself to write, but I just wanted to let you know that I will be posting soon. I have a lot to write about, but I just need to make sure my mind is stable enough to re-open this wound.

I hope you are all well,

Dave.

Posts to come and Thanks for the Continued Support!

In the coming weeks, I will hopefully start posting regularly it’s just going to take me a bit of time to get used to writing on a consistent basis. However, I’m really excited to be back. There is so much I want to talk about, and this blog will finally allow me to get all of the shit out of my head. For six months I have kept quiet, letting my thoughts, fears, anxieties, hopes and dreams stew within my mind. Yes, I’m seeing a therapist (and psych doc) but it’s not the same as writing. To me, writing allows me to completely open up and release all of my thoughts and struggles.

Some of the topics I will be writing about, are: psych meds (specifically seroquel and how it almost destroyed my life) and how they impact society, drug abuse (I’m an alcohol and drug addict. From the age of 19 till 22 I drank every day until my doctor told me I was pickling my liver. So I quit drinking, but instead of staying sober I started smoking weed, which led to pain killers. Four years later I finally got clean. I’ve been sober for a few months now and week I attend a sobriety group), mental health and the stigma surrounding it, as well as continuing to explore and understand my life.

I’m really looking forward to blogging and interacting with all of my readers I just wanted to say thank you for all of the support over the last few months, even though I have not been blogging- I still logged in everyday and read all the responses, which helped me immensely. Also, Struggling with the Elephant in the Room broke 13,000 hits today which is far more than I ever thought this blog would have received, so again thank you for all of your support

I hope you are all well,

Dave.

When Life Stops Moving

It has been awhile since I last posted- my mind has been all over the place the last few weeks and instead of writing I’ve been playing video games and watching countless hours of TV. I’m not depressed or manic, it just feels like my life has stopped moving. I still go to therapy once a week, but that is about it. I rarely leave my apartment (I do leave for a few minutes ever day to pick up food) and I spend most of my time avoiding my thoughts. It has been a weird few weeks. I don’t know why I stopped blogging, it just sort of happened. I now wake up around noon and spend most of the early afternoon surfing the net, leaving very little time to write. And when I do have time to write, I start playing video games which eats up all of my free time. I guess it all started when I tried creating a second blog. I got excited, then obsessed, then worried, then frightened and then I just gave up. Writing became a burden, so I ignored the blog and my original ambition.  Its frustrating, because I love to write.

I really want to start blogging again, but at this moment I don’t know if I have the motivation.  Please bear with me as  I try to get myself back together.

I hope you are all well,

Dave.

An Introduction to the newest blog in the Struggling With… Blog Network

As I continue to make progress in my mental health, I am getting more and more energy/motivation to write. I still have my bad days, as noted by my previous posts. However, for the first time in over a year I am ready to take on more work.  I was trying to think about what other topics I can write about, then it hit me: Religion. My academic background is in religion;  in 2007 I graduated with a degree in Religious Studies and last year I was attending the Claremont School of Theology- however, I had to drop out of the masters program because of my mental health.  So I decided to start a community blog dedicated to the  study of religion: Struggling with God in the Room. The following is the introduction to the new blog:

Welcome to Struggling with God in the Room- an experimental community blog on religion. It is the sister site of Struggling with the Elephant in the Room, David Stein’s blog on mental health and addiction.  These two blogs are the beginning of a possible collection of blogs, that will bring together readers and authors from multiple different fields and subjects. The idea is that everyone deserves a voice, no matter how small or obscure. Struggling with God in the Room with be an examination of multiple different religions and beliefs, which are connected by personal stories and struggles. In the coming weeks, this blog will grow, morph and expand into a community of bloggers and readers- it might take some time, but dreams usually don’t happen overnight.

We are looking forward to great discussions and we hope you enjoy this experimental blog.

Till next time,

Struggling with God in the Room.

This will not impact my posting on this blog, in fact, if I continue to improve I might increase my posting rate. I’m really excited about this because I love to write- it truly is the only thing that makes me happy.

I hope you are all doing well,

Dave.

Open Thread Wednesday- How Can we Defeat the Mental Health Stigma? (Comments Wanted)

Although we are in the 21st century, Mental Illness is still looked down upon by a large portion of society.  As such, I want to open up today’s post so that you all can voice your opinion. The last open post went so well, that I wanted to do it again.

Possible discussion questions:

How have you been impacted the mental health stigma? What is your story?

What can we do to change society? Is it even possible to make a difference?

Do you believe there is still a stigma surrounding Mental health?

Is there discrimination in the workplace/school/other? Have you told your boss about your Mental Health?

 

These are only a few possible discussion questions, if you  have other ideas please utilize this post. I hope you will join in the open discussion

Dave.

Say Hello to Domino- My Best Friend and Therapy Cat!

My good friend Susan (and fellow cat lover), who runs the amazing blog If You are Going Through Hell Keep Going, suggested that I should share Domino with the world.

Domino is 1.3 years old and I rescued him from an abusive home. He means the world to me and he has helped me get through some of my worst episodes. And he is just as crazy as I am

Domino as  a baby.

 At my old apartment, Domino loved climbing to the top of the fridge, so he could look over his apartment and keep an eye on me.

 Somebody is tired or he is laughing.

 Nap time.

Although he hates water, Domino loves to hide in the bathtub

Domino says hi

My parents bought Domino one of those massive towers. The problem is he has gotten so big part of his body hangs off the ledge. But he loves it!

Domino resting in my arm.

 I hope you are all doing well,

Dave.

Follow up questions: Do you have a pet and have they helped you heal? What are some of your pet stories? I would love to hear them.

What a Weird Weekend-Why I Stopped Writing my Last Blog Post

As I was working on my last post, my whole body started falling apart. I got dizzy, nauseous, paranoid and anxious all at once. I thought it was because I drank way to much coffee, or because I was bringing up old memories, but that was not the case. I think I was just sick. I took a nap and when I woke up I felt even worse. I had a splitting headache and cold sweats. The rest of the evening was horrible and then eventually I went to bed. I thought if I went to sleep I would overcome whatever I had, but I was wrong.

I woke up Saturday afternoon with an even worse headache. As the afternoon progressed, the pain and nausea continued to grow. My mind would not work- I was paranoid and frustrated that I still had a headache.  So I sat on the couch and watched TV all afternoon, hoping that the headache would pass. Around 5:00pm I forced myself to leave the apartment in search of food. There is a teriyaki place nearby and I picked up a chicken and vegetable combo, which was a mistake because I ended up getting food poisoning. My headache was still present; I was beyond nauseous and frustrated that my mind was falling apart. I passed the time by watching old Marilyn Monroe films, which helped to take my mind off my problems. By 10:00pm the nausea was uncontrollable, so I ran to the bathroom and started throwing up. It wasn’t just a small vomit, it lasted for a few minutes and when I was done I still felt like shit. I spent the next few minutes cleaning up, yelling at the walls because I was frustrated, angry and depressed that I felt so bad. After cleaning up the bathroom, I took a shower and went to bed.

Sunday was a lot better. Unfortunately, I was still pale and slightly nauseous.  I spent the afternoon watching the British show Downton Abbey, which is an amazing show and one that everyone should experience. My evening was quiet and by the time I went to bed I was feeling a lot better. After my “great” weekend, I slept in and awoke mid-afternoon. Whatever was plaguing my body had finally left, but my weekend was ruined.

That is why I abruptly stopped writing my last blog post.

I hope you all had a great weekend

Dave.

Twitter, Facebook and Social Networking….Or Why is there a Voice in my Head?

Today’s post will be brief, mainly its my self-promotion post (regular posting will resume tomorrow if I can overcome my anxiety and defeat the voice in my head that has been trying to destroy my sanity. At the moment we are in a stalemate, but I am hoping I can defeat it. Actually my next post might be on this subject. I am not hearing multiple voices, rather its the  voice of my brain. Since high school I have been struggling with anxiety….I am going to stop right there and continue this discussion in tomorrow’s post ).

In an effort to grow my social networking presence (because this seems to be what everyone one is doing) I wanted to share my twitter and facebook name, and I  was wondering if you could pass this on to your friends or do you have suggestions for other social networking sites that could help in my growth?

twitter.com/david_a_stein

http://www.facebook.com/thedavidastein

Also I  want to encourage my readers to participate in commenting on my blog posts, I  know in the past  I haven’t responded as much, but I am working my hardest to change this. I really want to create an open community where we can share, teach, relate and help each other out. Everyone deserves a voice and I would love  to hear your stories.  So again, I want to encourage my readers to comment and participate in future discussions (please forgive the pushy nature of this post, I just wanted to try something new. If you have any suggestions, or comments,  or questions please feel free to email me at manicdepressiveblog [at] yahoo.com

To end this post, I wanted to provide you with a list of blogs that I really like, because they have all helped me with my mental health struggles (this list is in random order because they are all top blogs to me):

If You are Going Through Hell Keep Going

Prozac Withdrawal

Bipolar Burble

The Daily Bipolar

Prozac Blogger

Soulful Sepulcher

I hope you are all doing well,

Stay Strong!

Dave.

Ps. Also, if  you have not done so yet please subscribe to my blog, you can find the link at top of this page. Thank you.