Struggling with the Elephant in the Room

A Manic Depressive Blog

Another Day in my Confusing Life

It’s already Tuesday evening and I’m still trying to figure out what’s going on. Ever since I got out of the hospital last year I’ve lost the ability to comprehend time. Days, weeks and months merge together and it’s extremely confusing. But I’m trying to stop myself for loosing “control.” Tonight I’m going to my mental health support group which helps to keep me grounded. Although it’s scary to be around other people, their support and advice helps immensely.  After the group we always go to dinner and continue our conversations. I’m still trying to get used to human contact and being around people my age. For most of my life I’ve surrounded myself with people older than me. I was convinced that no one my age would like me because I was worthless and weak (in fact my current best friend is 51). On top of that I was scared of people my age because I couldn’t relate. I don’t like the same things as most young people and I’ve yet to find anyone as obsessed with information/knowledge/research as me (it doesn’t help that most of my friends over the last 7 years had been drug dealers and addicts. In fact, I’ve become so used to being around addicts that I’m still struggling to converse with someone who does not use). Regardless, I have to force myself to go tonight so that I can break out of my shell and try to overcome my social anxiety.

After the dinner I will be working. I have a part-time job, well it’s not exactly a part-time job. The owner, who is also my best friend, understands my mental health struggles and allows me to come in when I want to.  However, due to the leniency I’ve been lazy the last few months and not worked. Because of this of have not been helping my parents with money and bills. But, I’m finally going to push myself and start working as I need to get out of my apartment and help my parents out.

This is going to be a short post today because I’m struggling to write. Everything I’ve written seems horrible and I’m still struggling with past/present tense (something I’ve I had a hard time with since middle school, so I apologize about the horrible nature of this post and the fact that the tenses make no sense).

I hope you are all well and I look forward to hearing from you. Also, I wondering if you guys have any ideas/suggestions/topics you would like me to write about in my next post. I want to try something different and have my readers decide the topic. So please, comment and tell me what you are interested in and why. Also, I want to encourage my readers to actively participate in the comment section, as I believe discussion and debate is a great way to build up this community.

Stay strong,

Dave.

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9 thoughts on “Another Day in my Confusing Life

  1. Everything you write about is helpful. Don’t worry about us, worry about yourself. You’re way to externally focussed, focus on yourself. Once you clean up the mess in your head, writing in correct tenses and things like that will just happen. No need to apologize.

    You’re a strong man and you will get through this.

    By the way, there’s nothing wrong if you have a friend who’s an addict. Always keep in mind that it’s not always WHAT people do that makes them a bad person or a bad friend. It’s the reason WHY they do what they do that makes the difference.

    If you had a friend that was an addict, but that person meant something to you, I suggest you keep in touch with that person. Don’t try to change them, don’t judge them and don’t keep a distance because they’re addicts. Just be who you are and allow them to be who they are.

  2. Thank you for this; all I can add is the old cliché, “day at a time” or even each second if needs must: keep on keeping on :)

  3. Hey Dave-Glad you are getting up and about. It really is about One day at a time. I am so proud of you for getting out and going to meetings an then sharing dinner.
    Be sure you bring some home in a kitty bag for Domino.

    I miss my texting buddy but I am so glad you wrote something- and are doing well. It’s all baby steps. Do you realize how much you are accomplishing? It doesn’t seem like much but it really is. I’m so proud of you

  4. I actually didn’t notice anything amiss with your tenses, so you’re doing a fair job. :) and keep up the good work with pushing yourself! At the very least, you can look back and remind yourself that you CAN accomplish something, however big or small; and if you keep pushing yourself, it may very well get easier for you. As for a potential topic, you could tell us about the support group that you mentioned.

  5. George E on said:

    So it’s now December — how’s it going?

  6. KD.Halen on said:

    I don’t really know if this means anything to you-since Im just satrting to reading you- but it’s absolutely interesting to know just what you think and feel. I’ve been struggling through life and having similar situations as that ones you discribed. It’s been 6 years since the diagnostic about my mental health, but let me tell you, although it hasn’t been easy work, I’ve managed to pass life through. All I’ve gotta take into account is to always have great companions such as family and friends and always try to live the moment. Sometimes even the fact of thinking to take one day by the time could be tough, all you gotta try is to live each second and forget about the past or what may come in your future.
    May sound cheesey, but still it works. At least for me.

    Greetings!

  7. I was reading one of your older posts and can relate to the fear/dread of starting or doing things even when they are not always unpleasant. I never used to be like this but last year it got so bad that I pretty much started studying for my grade 12 end of year exams on the morning of each exam. I put off phone calls, writing etc, tidying, even showering as well; basically anything except reading, playing games, watching T.V.
    I think it is called avoidance addiction and is basically an addiction to procrastination that is so bad it interferes with life. Google it if you want.
    Anyway I hope that this issue has been getting better for you as well as your OCD tendencies and anxiety and everything else. Thanks for writing about them :)

  8. It truly is one day at a time. Your words are so powerful and raw and your ability to express yourself honestly is a rare quality for many people.

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