I’m Sorry About Not Posting
As usual I let my anxiety get the best of me, as well as my obsessions. To be honest, I’ve been spending most of my time at a forum for the show My Little Pony-Friendship is Magic (MLP). An unbelievably awesome cartoon that needs to be seen by everyone. Although it is a children’s show, the production value is amazing and the stories are top notch. The show centers around the idea of friendship and the struggles of six ponies living in Equestria (the world of MLP). The world of Equestria is filled with happiness, as all the ponies work together in harmony. Every time I watch MLP I’m able to escape the darkness of depression and anxiety, and spend time in a world that is filled with positive energy and thoughts of happiness (which is something my life is devoid of). I furthered my obsession by joining an MLP forum,which has provided me with a way to communicate with other people. Overall, it has been a great experience, one that has provided me with a lot of joy:
However, I realized I’ve completely neglected my blog and I’m really sorry for that. As usual I got caught up in one of my obsessions and forgot about the rest of the world. In the past I would have quit everything; given up on all of my passions because I was afraid that my obsessions had ruined my life. This time I’m not going to do that, instead I need to figure out a healthy balance between my love of MLP and my blog, so that I don’t completely destroy my life (I know that sounds drastic, but that is exactly what happened the last time. I freaked, quit writing, quit playing video games and essentially quit going outside. I spent all of my time sleeping and watching TV. It took me almost 6 months to pull myself out of that hole. I really don’t want to go through that again).
I need to continue making progress so that I can finally get my life back together.
There is one major positive- in a week I will have six months of sobriety!!! That is my longest period of sobriety in almost eight years. Well that is all I can write at the moment. I don’t know if this post is any good because my anxiety is extremely high, so to me this seems like a wall of jumbled text.
I hope you are all doing well,
Dave.
I can all too well identify with your obsessive nature & the feeling that you’ve ruined everything so just quit. It is a very difficult thing to deal with, but for me I work really hard at being gentle with myself. It makes such a difference in being able to bounce back from those periods.
And major kudos for the 6mos sober! That is a wonderful achievement. (And as for MLP, I happily rode the first wave of pony-madness in the 80s, but I haven’t gotten into the current one.)
good to see you back and many congratulations on the six months; still just a day at the time but sobriety does get easier
Congratulations on the six month of sobriety
Hey David,
I just found your site by chance. I was googling Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s “Some Where over the Rainbow” and it led me to you! I’ve found comfort in reading your posts. Thank you
Congrats on your sobriety!
The video below has opened my eye’s to look at my depression in a different kind of way. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AjXPsRkg38&feature=plcp
I hope it can help.
I’m going to go google MLP episodes now and receive some much needed positives energy!
Monique x
Wow I’ve pretty much the exact same experience. I spent a whole summer laying in bed, sleeping a lot, and just watching the History and Science Channel. It was nuts. I was in a very very very depressed state. I couldn’t work because I was also terrified of working. I get so paranoid people are talking bad about me and hate me. I think I’m doing a s*hit job and just get so paranoid, depressed, and obssesed with others perceptions.
Congrats on soberness! It’s really such an amazing feat. This probably contributed a lot to your avoidance of the world from malaise and general feeling like s*hit. Stay strong and you can succeed. It’s hard, so hard, but you can keep on. Just keep on keeping on:)
Jess,
Exactly! It is truly amazing what our minds will do to us and how much our pain comes from self-damage. I haven’t cut myself in years, but I do self-harm – it is more psychological, when my life is stable, I fuck it up and then force myself to have a complete breakdown. I finally had a massive hole in my wall covered over and painted from when I put knee through it during a paranoid episode. But I’m working on these feelings and I haven’t “lost” in a few months, instead I pull myself back and try to understand the situation. My biggest problem now is that I don’t know what to do with myself because I’m no longer depressed or manic, it feels like something is missing in my life….
Thank you for the kind words and for stopping by and reading my blog.
I hope you are well,
Dave.
Ps. I got your email and sent you a response, if you didn’t receive it I can resend it again.