Struggling with the Elephant in the Room

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The Confusing Life of an Introvert & Why it is so Dangerous to Force Ourselves to Become Extroverts

*To all the new readers coming in, welcome to my blog I just want to thank you for taking time out of your day to read my post. When I first wrote this I never imagined it would become this popular, so to the 35,000 who have read this post, and those that have come for the first time hopefully it can help to ease your pain. This post has become its own community, a safe place for everyone. If you know someone who is suffering please pass this link along to them, as this post contains the stories and hopes of fellow introverts. Just remember you are not alone, you are an amazing human being who deserves to be loved and respected. Never let anyone take that away from you.*

For the longest time, I tried to convince myself I was an extrovert.  In high school, I talked with everyone. I didn’t have many friends, but I had hundreds of acquaintances. Every day I would walk onto my high school campus and talk with as many people as I could. I would shake their hands, ask them how they were doing, what they were studying and what their future plans were. I loved the feeling of acceptance and the fact that I could “relate” with most of my classmates. It was an amazing rush, to be acknowledged by everyone. In fact by the time I graduated, I knew almost everyone on campus. However, there was a major problem.

I was really suffering inside.

By the time I got home, I was so mentally drained that I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I would go to my room and spend hours and hours by myself.  And that was the problem, I was always alone. It didn’t matter how many hands I shook, or how friendly I was to everyone- in “reality” no one at school really cared about me. When school was over, I would be alone. No one ever called me, no one ever asked me to go to a party or to study with them, or go to a movie or to a fair. Yes I had two friends, but even they ended up leaving me.  By the time I was a sen,or in high school I had no friends.  When school ended, David was just another loner who everyone ignored. I know that life is a two-way street, and that I could have called some of classmates- but the problem was that, I was introverted. I was scared to talk on the phone, I was scared of going to parties, I was scared of  “hanging” out with other people. However, I had convinced myself that the reason why I was “alone” was because no one cared about me.

(http://barbaralayla.blogspot.com/2010/07/misunderstanding-introverts-part-one.html)

As I noted above, that is not true. Unfortunately, I had convinced myself that I was an extrovert, but in “reality” I was an introvert. It has taken me years and countless fuck ups to realize that I’m an introvert. In college, I tried to make myself the life of the party. I started drinking heavily, I went to parties, I was “friends” with the football team and I always had alcohol with me. The problem was, I did not fit in. The football players made fun of me, messed with my head and treated me like utter shit when I was really drunk. But I didn’t care, I thought that meant I was part of the “football” group. It got so bad that I almost ended killing myself.

(warning the following is very graphic and might contain triggers) There was this party that I attended. I was already drunk when I got there, but I was so desperate to fit in that I started drinking even more. There were no clean cups, so I just picked up a random red cup that had been tossed on the ground. I went to one of the kegs and poured myself a drink, and then another, and then another, and then another. It was around that time someone walked up to me with a gallon of tequila. I was feeling “daring” at that moment, so I took the bottle and started chugging. About a minute later I stopped. I had consumed half the bottle. The other guy was impressed, but told me to be careful. I really didn’t care because I was having “fun.”

I stumbled towards the backyard and found a group of people drinking a bottle of jagermeister. I was intrigued, so I grabbed the bottle and started chugging. It was horrible tasting- warm, thick and sweet. But I just kept drinking until I finished it. Handing the bottle back to the group, I stumbled towards the house. Once inside, I tried dancing, but all I ended up doing was falling over. One of my “friends” came over to me, lauged at me for being so drunk and tore my shirt and punched me. I was pissed, but I was so drunk I  couldn’t do anything about it. So I walked outside and found another group to “hang out” with. Someone in the group slapped my back, I stumbbled a bit

and then I found myself in my bed covered in vomit. It was the next morning.

I had a splitting headache. Pushing myself up, I realized that I had vomit all over me. My sink was filled with vomit, my shoes were filled vomit and half my room was destroyed. At that point I  realized I had blacked out. It was about 10 pm when the black out started and I woke up around 9:30 am the next morning. I don’t know how I survived that night. Not only did I have alcohol poisoning, but I vomited while sleeping and luckily I didn’t choke on it.

(http://pleated-jeans.com/2011/11/07/extrovert-vs-introvert/)

This was one of the worst experiences of my life. In fact this is the first time I have written or thought about it in 7 years. As a result of my desperate attempt to be extroverted, I made a complete ass of myself, destroying most of my “friendships” because of my actions that night, as well as almost killing myself. As a result of the psychological trauma I had experienced, I never went out again. In fact, I spent the rest of that school year in my dorm room (I was in a single), only leaving to go to class or to get food.

Unfortunately, this was the first of many tramatic experiences I put myself through, because I was still convinced that I was an extrovert. In fact, one of the main reasons I started abusing pain killers was because they allowed me to become an extrovert. It truly amazes me, how desperate I was to be an extrovert. And I know I am not the only one. There are a tremendous amount of introverts in this world and if we are too survive, we need to be better understood. Yes, there has been a lot more attention placed on the plight of introverts, but that is not enough. Our world, unfortunately has been built for extroverts and until we can accept the fact that not everyone is an extrovert and that introverts are not deficient, maybe we can finally start healing the psychological wounds.

I want to end this post with a few questions: How many of you are introverts? And what has your life been like? (experiences, struggles, addictions etc)  Or how many of you are extroverts and what is your opinions of introverts?

That is all I can write at the moment, but I hope you are all doing well :)

Dave.

P.s I am looking for guest bloggers, so if you are intrested please email me at: manicdepressiveblog@yahoo.com I am also interested in writing guest blog posts for other sites.

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131 thoughts on “The Confusing Life of an Introvert & Why it is so Dangerous to Force Ourselves to Become Extroverts

  1. I too am an introvert , but I have always wanted to be an extrovert. I have tried very hard in the past but no matter what I did I just didn’t fit in. The funny part is though that all the people I know tell me that I’m so outgoing, but that’s the thing it’s a mask I ware and then get home and just crash from the effort. My husband doesn’t understand when I tell him I wish I had more friend or could go out and do things, he just looks at me and stares the says “but you never go out, how can you do either of those if you just stay in the house all the time?” It’s just so hard to make people understand how I feel.

    • I am an introvert myself. people including my husband will never understand us, unfortunately. I hate being around people and I tried to be an extrovert, it is excruciatingly painful.

  2. Pingback: Manic Depressive Illness: A guide to Caring for Introverts « Struggling with the Elephant in the Room

  3. Wow! I’m similar to this, at work people think I’m this loud talkative person, but I really struggle to go, hence being off at the moment. Every day I come home and I’m drained because the ‘happy face’ I put on is so exhausting. When I was a teenager I did drink & that gave me the false courage to go out but I don’t drink now, epilepsy, anti depressants etc so not wise. I’m terrified and recently diagnosed with social anxiety.

  4. I’m painfully introverted as well. There have been so many times when I just wanted to fit in and be social with everyone, but it is just too much for me to do so. Unlike your experience where you pushed yourself too far out there, I tend to hide and be avoidant. I am much better with one to three people when I don’t get overwhelmed.

    If you’re interested, I wrote a short post wondering of being an introvert corresponds well to being Bipolar Type I or II (http://fishrobber.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/extroverts-and-introverts/) . I’m curious which type you are.

    • I wish I had learned that earlier, that I do better in small groups, because I wouldn’t have put myself through such hell. At least, now I know I do good in very small groups, at most 3 people, maybe 4, because like you I get overwhelmed really easily when I’m around a lot of people. Some days, I can’t even leave my apt, because I am so scared of the people beyond my front door, it just seems safer to stay inside, but then I get lonely, which increases my depression. It is all cyclical and very annoying.

      I will definitely check out your post on introversion and bipolar disorder. I’m type I with mixed episodes.

      thanks again for stopping by :)

      Dave.

  5. I have known I’m an introvert but was always told that is a bad thing and that I should change that. For over 50 years I tried to change. I had counselling. I tried meds. I’ve been diagnosed with stress related problems which put me in the hospital. I am now wondering if some psych meds are for extroverts and can be damaging to introverts. I hated those vivid dreams from prozac so I cut out the psych stuff except for an occasional xanax. My job requires I interact a lot with people. In addition I am a supervisor over for 10 people. If my performance reviews are correct, I am excellant with what I do so my supervisor has pushed me to do more and more, get out, interact, network. When I come home, I’m exhausted and can’t do anything. My doctor has advised me to consider retiring because I’m killing myself with stress but I can’t afford it. In all the counselling, no one ever told me that I’m an introvert and that’s OK. Here are some ways to cope with being an introvert, some ways to recharge. Instead it was that I was different from other people, that’s wrong, here are some ways to interact more and be more like other people. It is just recently someone told me to read “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Now I’m finding out why I am the way I am and that’s OK. I hope its not too late for my introverted children. I can see how the world has beat them up.

  6. I’m definitely another conflicted introvert. I’m not comfortable being an introvert in the least. I feel that as an introvert we should just be okay with being alone at home, but I’m not. Instead, I’m just sitting here wishing I had friends, wishing I could leave the house but the anxiety is too great. It is nice, however, to see there’s other people out there going through the same problems. I’m also living in China as an ex-pat which has increased the feeling of loneliness and isolation ten-fold. I just can’t seem to connect to any of the people I’ve met here. I just feel so totally different from them, I may as well be an alien. Anyway, I recently wrote a blog about how I’ve been feeling if anyone is interested and/or can relate. I’m open to having internet/pen-pal friends if anyone wants to chat further. My e-mail is Christina.donahue1@gmail.com

    http://cdonahue1988.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/the-specifics-hardly-matter/

    • Christina,

      I know exactly how you are feeling, the conflicting feelings of wanting to isolate ourselves but at the same time yearning for the connection with other people. I struggle with that everyday and like you I hate being introverted, I hate thinking that everyone is staring at me, that they talking behind my back, putting me down, belittling me and secretly plotting to destroy me. I know these thoughts are a little extreme but that is how I feel every time I walk into a room filled with people I don’t know. And like you I constantly wishing I had friends, constantly putting myself down because I am alone, because no one wants me. But like you pointed out it’s great to meet someone else who is similar.

      That must be fascinating living in China, but I can see how that could further the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Hang in there, it gets better, even though life seems like shit, it slowly will stabilize.

      Please forgive me for not responding earlier, I’ve been extremely depressed, which has destroyed my motivation.

      I hope you are well,

      Dave.

      • Misspumalovesmusic@gmail.com on said:

        I can’t go downstairs to get a cup of tea because my roommates are downstairs in the kitchen. My partner is upset with me because he interprets it as ” you don’t want to make me a cup of tea” when I explain I don’t feel ready to socialize. We live in a house of at least 5 people and more coming. My partner is upset because he says I have too much stuff and I’ve just relocated to a new country and am attached to my things stupidly. I’m addicted to op/ charity shopping. I try to keep everything tidy. He’s a minimalist and I’m not. It does my head in.
        If I have a problem with him, it feels like an avalanche emotionally.
        Sometimes it feels like were 2 separate islands sadly in the same room: me listening to my 80s new wave and him on his laptop.

        He’s an extrovert and thinks everything must be my way because I am not as fearless as he is in socializing and that just going downstairs to get water when there’s people downstairs is hard.
        I even mentioned buying a water kettle for the room the kind you plug in the wall and he took it to offense saying” I will not box myself in this room.”

        I’m so happy you share your story of being introverted and I’m very sorry you had to go through so much pain with no one to care for you.
        I’m happy to see there’s other people like me.
        I’ve even started wearing wigs bcuz I’ve cut my hair and it’s a bit like a protection from the outside, judgmental world.

    • Hello fellow Introverts,

      I can most definitely relate to your struggles.

      In high school, I never felt like I fit in with the other kids because of my Introversion. I never really understood why I was not outgoing like others. Like most of us, I have put myself through trials that resulted in errors.

      However, I have to count myself among the lucky to have made a friend who was an extrovert. We took the time to figure each other out, and thus resulted in a symbiotic friendship. I like to think he was the “parrot on my shoulder.”

      -He helped me become more outgoing, open, and friendly.
      -I helped him to become more logical, grounded, and tactful.

      One thing I’ve learned to be true, however, is that people like us should be open to the fact that we’re introverts. The only way to truly blossom our acquaintances into friendships, is to be open with that person. By this, I mean somehow letting them know early on in your conversations that you are an introvert. Break it down to them, in a way that will help them understand what that means.

      Introverts aren’t truly interested in social activities, but that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world for us.

      Unfortunately though, you are right Dave…The social structure is sometimes cruel and unforgiving when it comes to favoring extroverts. I personally think, we should teach children about different personalities at a young age. People who don’t understand their introversion go through; social anxiety, depression, denial, physical stress, and a range of emotions that most other people are incapable of understanding.

      Adapting to your weaknesses IS the only way to overcome. I hope other readers out there, will gain some clarity from this experience of mine. You are not alone =)

      I’m also open to chatting through email: PhoenixDown.CA@gmail.com
      Drop me a line

  7. Vanessa on said:

    Im only laughing because I can relate. I’ve learned to laugh things off because I cant help my actions sometimes. I do things because I simply want to and I walk away when I dont know how to deal with the situations. I need the time to reflect on my answers. Im quite are always idealistic but not so well planned, this is where I need the extroverts help. Extroverts keep me inbetween and my head down to earth. I go completely insane when I dont have a extroverts input I need them I crave their attention and stability. But then I hate this cause I dont like feeling over powered like I am weak because Im not. When an extrovert hurts my feelings i go into hiding. If its that bad I stay home for days, avoid people and become more anti than ever. This has become a terrible problem at home and school. I need help I need somewhere to vent. What do I do I need to feel balanced. I am also abusing drugs and getting drunk whenever I can :(

  8. Kayla on said:

    I am just now accepting that I am an introvert. I always knew but I always tried to fight it and try to make friends with people that I had nothing in common with. I feel so alone because the couple of close friends I do have are extreme extroverts and get along with everybody. All of my family are extroverts and have many friends and connections. As for me I just sit quietly at home and do my own thing. My family always tries to get me out of the house and ask me why I am not out with “friends” and I can never give them an answer they can understand. I avoid public occasions and parties where I don’t really know anyone for the my fear of sitting in the corner of the room and being the lonely person like I do all the time. I feel like anyone who talks to me takes pity on me rather than they think I am a person they can see a friendship with.

    • nadeem zulfiqar ali on said:

      im same like this

    • Cathrine on said:

      I am the same way too Kayla though my family has never given me a hard time about it. I am a senior in college getting ready to graduate and it’s really hitting me hard, this struggle I feel internally. A part of me wants to be more social and out going, wants to go out and party and be popular but not really because that is what I truly want but because that is what young people my age are supposed to want and do according to extroverted people.
      I have friends, but not a best friend. I get invited to parties but would rather stay in because I just feel uncomfortable around large groups of people I don’t know. So I usually make up excuses as to why I cant go. I did go to about 6 parties last year to give it a try and sometimes I had a good time. But I always just stuck by the side of my friends and followed them around. Drinking made me more social and able to let go of most anxiety I had but I was still aware of how awkward I felt and envious of the people who could walk around and instantly strike up cool conversations with strangers like it was nothing. (I also don’t usually have a whole lot to say about myself to strangers) So while drinking made me loosen up, I would also get very emotional and start crying sometimes talking to my friends about the guy I was in love with, which I am sure he overheard:/

      My friends are all very social and outgoing and they sometimes give me a hard time for being the way I am. They have never said it so my face, but I know they talk about me when I am not around and probably call me a loser and say I am pathetic. I like spending time with them and hang out with them weekly but I don’t really feel a need to hang out all the time. They don’t understand that most of the time I am very content hanging out in my room watching Netflix and surfing the web, cooking and just doing my own thing. I also go to college near my parent’s home so I like to go home most weekends just because I still get kind of homesick and I just like spending time with my family while I still can. This is something else friends have given me a hard time over, they can’t understand why I would rather be at home with my family when I could be out partying and doing cool things on a weekend night.

      I also feel my introversion has taken a toll on my hopes for a love life. I am 22 and still have never had a real relationship with a guy, I want to but I am so shy and awkward and worried about being rejected. I feel really lame for never having that “college romance” so many seem to have. One of my friends tried to get me on a dating site but I did not feel comfortable with it. It also doesn’t help that I was painfully rejected by a guy who is apart of my friend group. I am fairly certain the reason he rejected me is because he is super outgoing and a heavy partier and felt I wasn’t good enough for him.

      Anyway I have rambled too much. I just wanna finish by saying its comforting to know there are other people going thought the same feelings I have and the same struggles. It has been hard and painful for me but I also realize it is ok to be this way, it does not make me less of a person but I also realize it is going to take some time for me to truly feel good about embracing who I am. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences, they are comforting to read!

      • Zach on said:

        Hi Cathrine, I know exactly how you feel. Reading your post was like reading a chapter out of my own life. In fact I stumbled across this blog while plotting if I should go a large party tonight because I feel like I must make social appearances to mask most of my introverted tendencies, but know that once I get there I will be living in my own worst nightmare of wanting flee to a corner, or stumble from group to group making small talk with unavoidable awkward silences. Much of my family and friends don’t understand why I would rather stay home than go to large party. I often think they must think I’m a loser or that there must be something wrong with me, because of my lack of social activities. But it’s nice to feel that I’m not alone in this world, and appreciate you sharing your story. It was truly the highlight of my day.

  9. Sarah on said:

    I’m an extrovert but married to an introvert. While he likes socialising with people in small numbers hes not so keen on large gatherings, which I can understand. He needs the time to recharge and sometimes he needs encouragment to go out and socialise with those small groups – when he does he has a good time though! As we have a dog who doesnt like being left we use him as an excuse to leave parties/ functions early if hes had enough. I can find it hard as I want to be going out a lot more and I have a larger range of friends – but he wants to spend time with me so much. When we do spend time together at home, we dobt talk much we just tend to enjoy each others company. Again as an extrovert this can be fustrating but we both accep

  10. Sarah on said:

    *accept that we have different needs. He accepts that I want to go out more and I accept that I will be going out alone. We went to an overnight wedding last month involving him getting a lift from someone he had never met and spending the whole day trying to socialise! We made sure we took plenty of breaks throughout the day, including just a short walk round a garden without talking, just to try and recharge for a bit. He suffers from depression at times though, due to ocxasional paranoia that everyone thinks bad things about him and from

  11. Sarah on said:

    *From struggling to find employment – every job seems to require good customer service skills or interpersonal communication. Together we make it work though – we respect each others space and needs because we understand we are so different. When he gets onto a subject he finds interesting he is very hard to shut up! Makes up for me wanting to talk all the time.

    • Sarah,

      I really appreciate your comment and the fact that you and your husband are able to work together so well- it gives me hope that maybe I will find someone some day that will understand me.

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting,

      Dave.

  12. Henry Đặng on said:

    I am an introvert, too. I always feel lonely and wish if someone care about me. I tried too much to care about my friends, try to apear at the time they were upset to prove that I am a good friend. But later they never acted like me when I was upset. So sometime I hated them, because they were so ungrateful. But then I thought I should not think like that. I tried to care about them more and more, and also my mental wound was bigger. I wish someone understand me, care me like I care them.

  13. every introverted thinks they are alone in the world … I’m introverted and I had great problems before I found my true friends … Believe in Jesus, and let Him help you! :) We’re introverts, we have some same problems, so we’re friends!

    • i know how you feel, my father is very pushy on me when it comes to get a job, hi’s always telling me that i have to help the house since im already grown up and able to do so, but finding a job is almost impossible for me, im scared to even ask at restaurants or other stores, after finishing highschool instead of going to college i told my dad that i wanted to take a year of school and work on a job that didnt require me to interact with too much people and so i started working with him on construction but the company separated us after a few months for no particular reason. it did help me tho since i started learning co-worker interaction skills at the very least and made some good money, i also had thoughts what the fuck was i doing on a world in which i dont fit in, to tell you the truth putting the extrovert mask on for 10 hours a day makes those thoughts go away, by the time you get home you’r too tired to even think of that.

    • oops replied to the wrong comment…

  14. I am also an introvert. I have a couple of close friends but they seems to have a lot of friends and find it hard to have time for me. Sometimes I drop them a message to find out how they r doing, with the fear that they are not going to reply me and I am going to lose them as my close friends. As a person like me, I find it hard to communicate within a large group of people. Sometimes, I even stammer when I am forced to reply a question ask by someone in a large group. I really feel ashamed to be myself and I frequently questions my existence on this world. I want a change in me, I desire to be someone able to hang out in large group too. However, I just cant do it. Now, I am having my school vacation but I am having trouble with myself to go out and get a temporary job. I am scared, seriously scared that I am not able to do well in the job so I will rather stay at home and rot the time away. Although my mom didnt say anything, I can feel that she is terribly upset with me. I once told her that I do not want to work because I have problems confronting my fear to talk to others. She wants me to go and receive proper treatment in the mental hospital but I refused to. I feel that I have no one to talk to, no one to relate my problems to.

  15. Wow. I could swear I wrote that blog…I’ve never met anyone that felt the same way. Recently I’ve started thinking really hard about why I get so tired after a day out, why I crave to be alone. I thought maybe I have some disease that went undiagnosed, maybe it’s my diet.

    But now I realise the reality of it..however I still don’t believe being so socially anxious is a permanent condition. Maybe it’s because we’re socially inequipped..I know people that were really shy and then became super confident after they just went out and started talking to random people. Slowly they gained confidence in themselves and learned to calibrate their interactions..

    Sure, The Game by Neil Strauss is geared towards men looking to seduce women, but I think the principles of Inner Game apply here as well.

  16. Lyndon k. on said:

    Im currently a student at college and through out my life ive began to realise that ive always prfered my own company, and this feeling of enjoying my own company has got stronger over time.

    Im not sure if its related to being an introvert or i just find it difficult to find a common interest with people my age. Im not saying all; but many people my age consider a good night being getting pissed, taking somthing, or sleeping with someone. And out of them three i cant really see how u could have a constructive conversassion.

    whats worse is, and ive never done this diliberatly but ive been told that some people feel as if i look down on them, for example when a joint is being handed around i often pass on it with out taking anything, and in some casses someone gets narky about it, which i dnt understand, i don’t condiscend them or tell them that its bad for them and that crap, cause in all honestety i couldnt care less what there taking as long as they dont force it on to me.

    so to tally up my thougths, i dnt considered to be a introvert but might just be mature for my age, and don’t need what some people need to enjoy things.

    can anyone relate, or see a similar cause??

    • Cathrine on said:

      I am the same, I don’t like to drink a lot but my friends drink till they get sick and think its the best thing ever. They give me a hard time for not doing the same but I don’t let it get to me anymore. I would rather them think I am lame than get sick, act foolish and constantly wake up hung over.

  17. Just wondering…how many of you are from well-off families? Sometimes I wonder if this is a problem that can go away once you become successful and have access to a better quality of life. I definitely had many negative events throughout my life, and I am from a low income family also.

  18. I didn’t have quite that dramatic of an experience, but I completely understand it. I was really quiet all through elementary school, and all through middle school. I got picked on a lot, and I learned to be shy because of the situation. At some point I decided I wanted more friends. When I started going to public school I made a lot more of them, and things were mostly fine. I felt a strong desire to be a *good* friend and made efforts to call people and be “perfect”. Some time during high school I started hating myself because I couldn’t stop talking. I had become this mindless motormouth, and I was tired of hearing myself speak. I still have this problem, by the way. I also felt like I was annoying everyone around me. I didn’t make an effort to be invited to anything, and I didn’t hang out anywhere in an effort to spend time alone in my room. After school I would be exhausted and I’d spend hours doing nothing but daydreaming about stories I wanted to write, but didn’t have the energy to spend (writing was something I learned to do well, but I’m only naturally average).

    Now I work at this horrible job for me because I wasn’t paying any attention when I took it. I earn my money by TALKING on the phone for eight hours a day. And I usually think I’m going to die by the end of it. I get in trouble because I spend too much unavailable time. I sometimes just sit, but usually I start drawing to calm myself down. If I didn’t know that other people were extroverts, I would think that it was unethical to ask someone to do that job all day. I find myself wishing I’d just pass out. I don’t really want the attention that it would bring, but at least I wouldn’t be conscious. And then I could take a few more days off, with an obvious doctor’s excuse. I have to go to the doctor for an ongoing ear infection too (its been around for almost a year at least)… I’m sort of hoping that they will tell me I can’t talk on the phone.

  19. I’m 54 and an introvert. Me and my family knew it at a very young age. I dealt with it and tried to change but just couldn’t. Most of the time I enjoy it but there are times when I really feel like I am missing out on. I wasted a 4-year college degree on a medical career that only lasted two years because of the daily stress of non-stop personal interaction was killing me. Met a great girl (extrovert but not to excess) who accepted me for who I am. But during 30 years of marriage that has hit some rough times because she is my only friend but if there are issues between us i have no one to talk to but she has others. Got an issue coming up where she is actively planning a large family gathering at our house for Thanksgiving and it is only August and I am almost physically sick thinking about it. Guess I will just soldier on.

  20. I’m an introvert but don’t always like it. I need time to myself to recharge and I enjoy having time alone, but I often wish I could be one of those people who has a solid group of friends. My significant other is an extrovert and has a lot of friends. I often feel like a freak next to him since he has so many friends and I don’t. I get so awkward around people I don’t know. I’m not able to just relax and be myself. So I come across as boring and serious even though on the inside I don’t feel that way. It can be tough.

  21. Jennifer on said:

    Very introverted here. I did manage to learn social skills during my decade long waitressing career, but it was not easy. I cried many, many, many, MANY tears of frustration in trying to be successful with an already stressful job that forces constant interactions, which also greatly influences your salary. I did eventually learn the fake small talk which allowed me to excel at the job.

    Much more to my liking, is my current career of network admin work. The skills learned in restaurants are indispensible for the interactions with co-workers. I am very glad that I stuck with the restaurant business. I doubt I would be as successful without the lessons learned.

    I love my recharge time. Our secretary is perplexed at my ability to happily dine alone during lunchtime. Its nice not to worry about what I will do for lunch until I’m in my car deciding which way to go.

    Anyhoo…Found the site looking for some information to pass along to ‘caring’ individuals who strongly feel that I need to interact with more people.

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. I can relate with them.

  22. rebecca on said:

    Hi! So many of you are saying things that I could have written myself. I love quieter pursuits: reading, computer work, language study, knitting, photography ….. parties and large gatherings freak me out. I worry that if I go somewhere no-one will talk to me and I will look obvious and lonely. This rarely happens but it is still a real fear for me. I have 3 good friends and a few aquaintances – that is all apart from my husband and kids. I worry every day about how other people see me – whether they think I am a loser for not having a big group of friends to go out with. Does all this make sense? What I am needing please is communication from other people like myself, so if you would like to email me please do so: rebeccacooper65@gmail.com

  23. oh my god is so…liberating reading about other people like me, i acknowledged that im an introvert many years ago but up until now i had never heard or read anything about other people like me, my brother and sister are extroverts by nature and i being not only the middle one but also introvert felt (feel) like i was the ugly duck of the family.

    it was really confusing during my school years for me to realize since whe would move often and i would have to transfer from one school to another but i guess it all started on my very first years of school, i was the official class loser, almost every one would pick on me all because i have a mole near my left ear well every one except my only friend who would often want to hang with the rest of the kids but he knew they would just made fun of me and i would be alone if he leaved me, so he hang up with me most of the time going to school in mexico is not fun at all if are different or strange in any way unless you knew how and had the courage to put up a fight with 4-5 kids which i couldnt do i was small thin and scared. the years when by and my only other friend in elementary school (my sister) graduated and then it was just me me and my class room, everything was “fine” or a least going as any other day but one of the other kids was looking at my friends notebook wich was covered in drawings he made (he was really good at drawing for his age) and stumbled on a drawing of a kid with the head of a fly (“fly” my nickname given by the other kids) i feel horrible, i tried to grab the drawing and rip it apart but my friend took the drawing away and started laughing with the rest of them, i was devastated, i ran out of the class room sat down on the floor right next to the door and started crying really hard, the teacher whent after me and started talking to me (he was a nice teacher i liked him alot) but i was just out of my head, i couldnt stop crying nor could i think right (i was 7 at the time i believe) since that day i just stoped talking at school i would often beg my parents so i could stay at home, my mom knew about what was happening and she would let me stay now and then but not everyday of course, she talked to my schools principal about what was happening but all they would tell her was “make him take self defence lessons” obviously they didnt give a shit about the kids, my mom told me that she would put a sock filled with rocks on my bagpack and if any one of those kids made fun of me i should take the sock and hit them in the head with it ( she was incredibly frustrated as well) but obviously i couldt go tru with something like that.
    we moved at the end of that school year and i was transfered to another school, a new chance to start anew with new kids…so i thought and in truth i did find a good small group of friend and i was not bullied nearly as much as i was the year before, had my first crush, she broke my heart by telling me she had a crush on one of our friends before i could gather the courage to tell her my feelings, but i still stayed close to her containing my feelings was not hard since i was already doing it before she told me that, and i was actually happy with my life there, and then we moved again… i left my first good group of friends behind, and started junior highschool things started well, i had a good close friend and we would often hang out with the rest of the kids but would often just be me and him wracking havoc on the school but gradually he started changing, things we would do the year before would be too “childish” for him and slowly he became like the rest of the kids bullying on me intensified gradually but i had some means of defense now so it didnt go too far. junior high ended and i moved to Canada, on my first day of school i was terrified, i was so nervous my stomach hurt my hands where shaking and i could barely speak not only that i had to speak on english (which i could hardly understand let alone speak) and to top it off i was on montreal so people would have and even harder time understanding me since the official language there is french, many difficulties later i finally got to my classroom a few minutes after sitting down the kid right beside me says “dont worry” (on spanish) i almost bursted on tears but i managed to contain myself, i was way too relieved at the fact that there was some one i could at the very least ask a question or two little did i know that kid would become the best friend i could ever had we became friends almost instantly and he introduced me to another 3 kids one from korea and one from mongolia and one from mexico he was (well he still is i guess) from venezuela i lived the best year of my life there, i became the “leader” or our little group even tho no one called me that or talked about that we kinda knew cus i would often have the last on word on what we would do for almost everything it was like living a dream, every morning i would be anxious to get to school we would go out almost everyday hit on some girls skateboard and all that stuff then a bit less than a year later my parents decided we would move again, this time to calgary, i was never the kind to talk back on my parents decisions and i was too old to do a trantum…but i didnt care i refused and resisted the idea as much as i could but there was little i could do, we where struggling to get enough money to eat let alone pay bills or rent so we moved again… this is where what i learned on elementary school kicks in, even tho i could speak english at this point and no one picked on me at all i just be silent all day, i would take my lunch look around for a hiding spot where no one would be around and just eat my lunch silently while thinking of my old friends, and thast how its been for the past 5 years…

    holy hell i just wrote a novel there, this is the first time i go tru the stuff that happened to me since i moved to canada… im tearing a bit.
    so im not sure if im introvert by nature or made introvert, since im just going with my self made philosophy of being alone is the best way of being at ease.

  24. I know exactly what you mean. I have 1,000 friendly acquaintances, but no real friends (literally none). Through 2nd and 4th grade I had about eight genuine friends at any given time, but then they dwindled off. It was mostly my fault, because people would invite me to their house constantly, but I never invited them to mine. I was worried that my bedroom was too dorky, or my parents were too embarrassing, or even that my house was too nice and they would think I was showing off (point blank my dad is loaded). Now that I think about it, I was just judging myself and feeling like I wasn’t at a high enough standard for anyone else. I also found myself making jokes at other people’s expense. I never tried to be mean, I just was never smooth with my words and was taken too seriously or misinterpreted. At a younger age when I actually had a few friends I could invite over (IF I did) I was really wacky and insane, but as I get older I feel more threatened by others’ opinions of me. I (try to) dress nicely. I don’t say and do the insane and wacky things I used to do. I was really impulsive and did anything I wanted, but now if I have anything to say at all that could be interpreted differently or I fear I might regret, I’ll stop myself. I’ll remind myself of the “freaks” and what most people think of them. People still like me, but I feel like they’re in such tightly knit cliques that I would be a burden thrust upon them to be at parties, get-togethers, etc. I constantly see things on Facebook that my “friends” (closest acquaintances) do and feel left out. It feels as though have no way of going back in, and nobody else cares. They have enough friends anyways, right? I’m afraid people say things behind my back and I’m one of the “freaks”. I don’t feel like an individual anymore, let alone MYSELF. I’ve been called “entertaining”, but I don’t know how to take that considering how many times I’ve been called to hang out in the past 3 years (which is zero, if you haven’t guessed already).

    I don’t want to hear this “forget about the haters and enjoy life!” bullshit because I’ve heard it before, and it’s so much more easily said than done. Since marching band and sports are winding down, I’ll never see anyone after school. Being the comeback kid isn’t exactly possible. SCREW THIS I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.

    • hi, its good to read and know that so many people went and are going through the same thing as myself. I have always been told that i should be more outgoing and make friends, i noticed that for some reason i would always be alone and rather watch what was going on from a distance, during school play time. I have made some good friends though but lost them over time…i really want to have a good or best friend, you know? someone to count on….i have tried so hard to be more sociable and most of the time i just get myself in trouble or called funny names. Sometimes i try so hard to make friends with some of my mates that didn’t end up well…it became awkward and weird…if you know what i mean. So most of the time i just stay on my own but really want to have friends because it is lonely at times and its even worst to meet girls!…i am scared to go to parties sometimes because i won’t want to be left on my own with nothing to talk about….and its even worst because i don’t like what most people like…i always wonder why that is so, but i pretend sometimes to do because i want to ‘fit-in’. its really no that i hate people or anything i just don’t know how to socialise and make friends..it is depressing at times and i havent ever spoken or told anyone this before….but it good to know there are others like me…

  25. Michelle on said:

    I realized in high school I was doomed to be an introvert but as time went by I realized it made me a better person. I had boyfriends and went to parties but I always carefully controlled myself and quietly observed other people’s behaviors. I’m really not sure why people liked me or if they really did but I didn’t really care because they were my entertainment and I was their wall flower. I am pretty and the boys liked to look at me which is ridiculous to think but you know how high school boys are and I think the popular girls accepted me because they knew their boyfriends were safe with me since it was a sort of joke that I required 4 feet of personal space in all directions.

    In college it was more difficult but I always kept a boyfriend close for companionship which was sufficient as I would be included in their social circles. An online game, World of Warcraft, soon became a passion and it was so nice to have my close knit guild but I was becoming horribly addicted to the point of affecting my job so I was forced to abandon them. I miss them dearly, it’s been 4 years and I still miss them so much.

    I am now married with 2 kids. I try so hard for them to be social and go on play dates. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I want to tell the mom to just stop talking she’s so annoying but I go back date after date for my kids and hope the driveling idiot will have something interesting to say for a change. I’ve changed mom friends a couple of times because let me tell you a secret. Being a stay at home mom is kinda rough. Being a working mom is rough to but at least in a work environment you get praise for your accomplishments or at least a paycheck. In the world of a stay at home mom, your husband expects more than he should from you because he has no idea what it’s like to try and get anything done with 2 babies hanging off you and the kids! Oh the kids are kids. Mine are under 2 so they have no sense of when I’m stressed out and continue to need and want everything THAT.VERY.MOMENT! And they can’t talk well so pointing, grunting, crying and babbling are your only communication from them. (I love that I can stay at home with them I just want to convey the frustration and stress that affects me day to day)

    Anyway, my point is to try and embrace it. Guard yourself but get out. Let the extroverts chat you up, be yourself. Maybe they’ll think you’re snobbish or stupid but you are you. In high school I decided the only reason I worried about having no real friends was because other people thought it was weird or sad. Once I realized that I was fine. People can think what they want about me but that doesn’t change who I am. I am the girl in the corner with a book. Maybe I’m reading or maybe I’m quietly observing everyone around me to see who is a genuinely nice person and who will stab me in the back. I like that people don’t see me coming, the ones that think they can manipulate me because I’m shy and need a friend. The idiot guys who see a pretty, shy girl and think she’s easy because she needs a friend who I can mock when he hits on me and he probably won’t even understand wth just happened to him.

    Being an introvert allows me to see things in the world that other people just don’t see. A lot of you don’t seem to realize how special we are. We know when someone is lying because we note these tiny queues out of instinct that we can’t even explain but it’s intuition that we’ve acquired over so many years of cautious observation. Introverts are special, we make the world go round from behind the curtain.

  26. Larry36 on said:

    Ha ha ha, I found this website by typing in the phrase…’why is life to f#cking confusing?’…I guess I am a little introverted but at the same time I think it’s also a big lack of confidence and get confused between the two, thinking that I need to get more confidence and that it is a weakness, rather than just accepting who I am and shaping life around who I am rather than who I think I should be.

    I was out with an old friend the other night, he is a complete EXtrovert and tends to take the p!ss out of me completely, in the end the time I spend with this ‘friend’ does not make me feel good about myself, and leaves me confused about who I am and what am I doing, as he makes me feel like a weak person and stupid. I guess it is time to accept who I am more and find people who accept me, easier said than done.

    I think we all think life must be easier for extroverts as we live in a social world and it would be much easier to BE ‘social’, but the world needs people who are happy to be in their own company much of the time. The trick is finding the balance, perhaps meeting people through interests and activities which we gain cinfidence with, and gives us more common ground to relate with others, than simply getting drunk and talking aimless drivel all the time??!

    Who knows, I’m still a little confused if very much more comforted by other people’s experiences and advice.
    All the best to all!

  27. I’m currently a senior in high school and I’ve been an introvert for as long as I can remember. Ironically, I DON’T want to be this way. I’ve always wanted to be a social butterfly but I just can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not painstakingly shy – I just can’t seem to become sociable. Small-talk is one of my worst fears! I’ve always dreamt of being one of those people that could start a conversation with anyone. I always complain to my mom about how I don’t “go out” and do things that people my age do. She always tells me to “make friends”, but she will never understand that it’s not that easy.

  28. Grelizabeth on said:

    I feel such comfort reading this article and all of the comments knowing I’m not alone. My parents would always describe me as a “loner” although I typically had a “best friend” that I would consistently hang out with. Right now (at age 34) it’s my boyfriend and my three dogs. I typically enjoy doing most things by myself and strangely I stopped feeing bad about it about a year ago. Every once and awhile I start to feel pressured to be like everyone at my work who loves to spill their personal information to everyone or all hang out drinking somewhere after work. One coworker went as far as calling me “boring” for being shy and blamed it on my rural upbringing (she was raised in NYC and I was raised on a ranch in rural CA). When I told her I preferred hiking and being in nature by myself to drinking and partying she looked at my like I had just sprouted horns. All I could think was that I was such a freak and then I realized I’m in my 30’s- I don’t have to be defined or put in a box by these people. Personally, I’ve began to think that people who can occupy themselves at home instead of needing to go out constantly are better off anyhow- especially at my age. I’ve finally come to peace with my introverted personality! If only I could leave my annoying, prying coworkers for a job with less interaction! Haha

  29. Hi, I am 21 and a genuine introvert. I completed high school having made countless acquaintances, but zero real friends. I got up the courage to go to Michigan State University (I had originally planned on a MUCH smaller university), but dropped out after two years due to social anxiety. I am currently working as a waitress at a restaurant on campus and living with my parents. My life consists of waking up early each morning to exercise, a 30 minute commute to east lansing, 5 hours of (often) dull tasks at the restaurant, a 30 minute drive home, and watching old tv shows/ surfing the Internet until 9’oclock, when I get ready for bed. It has been like this for 2 years or so. I actually have a fiancé who lives/works in China that I met my first year of college but we have completely separate lives and rarely even email eachother. I doubt that we will ever get married, but he comes to visit maybe twice a year. Sometimes I think that he only continues the relationship because he likes being able to ignore me 10 monthes out of the year and have wild, passionate sex with me the other 2. I’m actually ok with this though. My parents just don’t like us doing it in the house. Haha. So yeah, life is odd for introverts.

  30. i am an introvert too. And just like you, I have a lot of acquitances. Luckily, I have 4 bestfriends. 2 of them are introvert, and others are extrovert. In junior high school, they helped me a lot. But then we went to different senior high school. It was hard to struggle because no one really fits me.

    I am a crazy girl, funny and seems to have a lot confidence. Even now I am a part of student council and in student council, there’s no introvert except me. God, can you imagine it? I am in a place where social skill is needed. It’s really hard, you know. And I dont know what should I do nowl

    Though, I’m not a shy girl. Even I’m scared of walking alone. I ever got an introvert boyfriend. He didnt mind it when he had to walk alone. Maybe we were just a different type of introvert because he was a shy boy. Yet, we both find it’s hard to socialize with others.

    btw, sorry for my poor english.

  31. This post and the comments capture my life almost perfectly. This comment is likely going to be a long one (apologies in advance).

    I have always been an introvert and I spent a large part of my childhood alone. I also used to stammer a lot as a kid. I loved music and picked up singing as a hobby when I was young which was highly soothing. It took a couple of years and numerous therapists for the stammer to reduce. In retrospect it was mostly because I would get highly tensed and nervous while speaking and with time I learnt to relax prior to any interaction which made a huge difference.

    I moved schools often (family used to move often) which put a great deal of stress. But every time we moved I focused on making 2-3 good friends and spent as much time as possible with them. I never was the life of any party but it helped having 2-3 people to talk to whom I knew would always be there.

    Undergrad was luckily very easy since a lot of my friends from school ended up in the same college. They quickly developed a large network of friends and most of the times I would meet people through them. I did not realise at that stage, but I was actually backpacking on the network of others.

    After my undergrad I joined Big Oil, as a result of which I shifted countries and often continents every year. There were times I felt very lonely, but every time I felt this way I made it a point to go out and join a local hobby club – kayaking, or biking, etc. It somehow was much easier to meet people over a common hobby than in a social gathering or a pub where the conversations are often too superficial. I started taking courses online for the intellectual stimulation and used to join discussion forums to have some meaningful interaction.

    Life now continues and at every stage I wonder if my career will crash at some point. Everyone around me has told me that without networking I will never progress and everyday of doing this is a challenge. I realise that I need to balance alone time with networking in the job and every day I look to push myself outside my comfort zone. Its stressful and often the best time in the day is coming back from work and reading a book or watching TV for an hour or two.

    I know this will always be a challenge, but I figure the only way ahead is to fake extroversion (which takes a huge toll).

  32. William on said:

    Im on the Verge of loosing my home, loosing my health and ending my life due to me being an Introvert. I have known that I am introverted for a very long time now, but that dosent help.

    I have had over 30 jobs in the last 15 years. As soon as I start to feel socialy awkward or expect people to get upset at me for almost anything, even just them looking at me wrong makes me go deeper inside, and my only solution is to quit my job. (Which usualy means just not showing up anymore because im to afraid to face them and it seems to exshausting to try and explain myself when I know it wont change anything)

    Right now I am currently 4 months behind on rent because I have just shut myself in my room. I Would be fine if I could have some sorce of income from home with little to no effort, because im absolutly exshausted and depressed that I can not and never will be able to be part of this world. I Am 30 Years old now, still a virgin and have only 1 friend who tries to understand me, but still presures me to hang out all the time.

    If I wasnt such a Coward, I would probably kill myself. I just wish I didnt have to leave my room and earn money. I am happy just staying inside. I am currently only able to afford to eat rice once a day, and I will probably be kickedo out soon if I cant find a way to make some money. I am starving, Depressed and on the brink of suicide almost everyday because of my Introvertion.

    Please help me :_(

    • I’m sorry William. I’m thinking that you may have a little bit more going on then just being introverted. I know its a hard thing to accept but I also had to come to terms that I had something more wrong with me (not that being introverted is wrong.)
      In my case, I am bipolar. It leaves me with a strange feeling having that label on me, but it is also relieving to be able to understand myself better. Living in your head can be rough, but living in your head with a disorder on top of it is rougher. You should find the courage to seek a theripist. It sounds horrible, trust me I know, but it is worth it. What do you have to lse you know? In the begining its hard to see the threrapist, but look at it as a way to FINALLY be able to fully understand yourself sand why you behave the weay you do. Its worth the scary trip in the end.
      Life can be rough, but you will never see the beauty of the world if you don’t seek help to finally get out of your head (evern if for only a while) and really (and I mean REALLY) see the world.
      Just remember, fear is not real, it doesn’t and never has existed, its simply in your mind.
      Good luck to you, I wish you the best. :)

  33. Wow.sounds just like my story at that age.I recently discovered I’m an introvert (31 now)heard a talk show on radio and it just hit me when I heard all the explanations about introverts.I feel more comfortable and now understand my own moods and behaviours better,it all makes sense!!! Being at work all really is still bit of a struggle for me ,but I’m trying to read up more about introverts and have a better insight, might help me get through work every week…..

  34. Heh, I am a super introvert. While in college I spent a few months in Japan, I lived it. It is a much more ‘introvert’ society than the US and many western countries. Currently looking for a way to go back.

  35. I, too, had to learn the hard way that I am introvert, and it is something that will never change. I can’t think of one time I was genuinely extroverted that I didn’t end up regretting. I couldn’t find a happy medium. I now just function, meaning that I socialize only when it’s unavoidable. I’m okay if it’s for my kid’s school stuff or meeting extended family. I am afraid to attempt to connect at work because I will share too much info about my private life, and that would cause problems between myself and my wife. So I’m basically content with staying in my shell until I’m summoned…or Facebook is up. Sigh…

  36. I can relate with this post.I am also an introvert and I also feel alone when no one calls me or invite to their birthday parties. I don’t know why but I hate myself more than anything else.

  37. sarah on said:

    Everything your saying seems to almost fit me exactly, its like I’m in denial I don’t want to accept being an introvert because being an introvert is harder than being and extrovert. I hate others because its like they don’t get me, like I send out negative vibes. I surround myself at college with a variety of people but no true friends. i know no one actually cares about me, theres nothing to care for, as I am nothing, my personality is practically non existent except when drunk or around family, when people ”get to know me” they get nothing back I just don’t know how to act, in going to be alone forever. I know I will. I wish I could just hibernate for the rest of my life.

  38. robert on said:

    wow, honestly did not know there was someone out there who felt similar to me. I’ve been introverted for as long as I could remember, I’m only a senior in high school but when I find myself wrapped all in my mind, it feels like I’ve been there for centuries, the years seem shorter while the days seem longer. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety, and depression and I really can’t deal with it anymore. I mean I hate talking to people about my problems and I’ve tried medication but honestly medication can’t heal you, it’s never that simple. The thought of wanting something, that you know you will never have is painfull. Sure I wanted friends, and to be popular and to be noticed but deep down inside , I knew it was not going to work out for me, I’m falling apart inside day by day, hopefully things get better…………..

  39. Ellie on said:

    I’m thirteen, and I’ve always been an introvert. For quite a while, I thought that it was totally normal to spend all my free time locked in my room with only my cat for company. Then, my parents started saying that it was “unhealthy,” even though it felt better for me. At first it was just them. However, last year I started going to a new school (having graduated from the old one). At this new school, everyone called me anisocial and said that the fact that I’m a quiet person is unnatural. For the entire year I was bullied, and I thought that there was something wrong with me.

    I’ve known about the word “introvert” for a long time, but I’ve always assumed that it’s synonymous with “shy.” After doing some research, I’ve found that it absolutely does not. Being an introvert means only that I need to have time alone each day so that I can recharge. And it doesn’t mean that I’m shy (which I am to a certain extent, but not always). The reason for the confusion on introversion and shyness is that introverts look a lot like shy people in public. Introverts will hang back; the noise and the people are overstimulating, and an introvert’s thoughts are sufficient to keep him or her interested. Shy people will hang back; they have no one to talk to and are not sure to proceed.

    They both hang back, stay quiet. But for very different reasons. Shy people are afraid; introverts just don’t like being around many people for a long time. And after finding these things out, I will finally be able to tell my peers that I am not shy, I am not antisocial, and I do not have a mental condition that needs medical treatment. I am just an introvert.

    I cannot tell you how good that feels!

  40. Michie on said:

    I have always been extremely introverted, and the best part is that most of my family is extremely extroverted. That was pretty tough because I love my family to death, I think they are amazing, but they talk and talk and talk until I think I am going to collapse. And when they ask you a question there is no time to ponder and find your answer or else they get upset and think that you are just being cold or bratty when the truth is that I just need time to stop think about the question and fully digest and understand it, and take time to think of an answer because I want to make sure it is 100% correct, true, and from the heart.
    Also, since they can talk for hours, I hit a point that I get so exhausted that I need to slip away before I collapse. This used to upset them a lot, so finally I hit a point where I stopped trying to be a part of the conversation and just slipped away to read a book when I first got there. I thought my family couldn’t stand me. Now that I’m older I now understand that they love me, it just frustrates them that they don’t understand me, and that is understandable.
    It was also very hard in school to connect with people. I was too quiet, I said the wrong thing (or the right thing at the wrong time), and I can be kind of awkward and withdrawn. So I would usually just have a few to no friends or acquaintances, which didn’t bother me much because my mind was enough company to keep me entertained. But every now and again I would feel extremely lonely and disconnected from the world.
    Now the cherry on top is that I would suffer from boughs of intense depressions, and occasional ups. When I hit an up I would occasionally make a friend or two, but my down would cause me to end up losing them. That was tough because it took me a while to even realize it as a real problem, and even longer to finally find the courage to tell my family. It was just recently that I finally found the courage to tell my family and see a therapist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder.
    Its been hard because my family finds it very hard to understand and accept differences and they are also very critical. But they are trying to help and be as sensitive as they can.
    So my point here is that it can be very hard (especially for an introvert) to express yourself and let people in, but you have to do it at some point, because then you will have so many years wasted on self loathing and that horrible feeling of not understanding yourself or being understood.

  41. Do I need help or is being an introvert a normal thing? If I do need help how do I even begin to ask for it without sounding like one of those attention seeking teenagers? I really hope I’m not ignored.
    I’m very relieved I came across this page & the main reason why I came across it at all is mainly because I was trying to find out what exactly was wrong with me. I’m senior, doing my last year in High School (boarding school). Reading this, I’ve never really convinced myself to be an extrovert, I’ve always been afraid of going out. Whenever I’m at home I find I’m usually a lot “angrier” in a way for no apparent reason, but mostly because I’m convinced that nobody cares. At school I get on well with some of my peers & teachers but I’m usually known as the quiet girl. In the boarding house I’m a lot looser, I can try be funny & I can laugh but that plays a great role in hiding the way I really feel. When I talk to people, I’ll feel ok during the time because the situation is inevitable & try my best to engage but it usually ends then & there. Like yourself nobody bothers to call to ask about how I’m doing or even invite me to “things that would require an invitation”. When girls in my dorm talk about how this & that person sent them a random message I would usually feel sorry for myself & think how much of a failure I am. So I wonder how my life will be as I grow up, especially now. At this point I’m very lost.

  42. Do I need help or is being an introvert a normal thing? If I do need help how do I even begin to ask for it without sounding like one of those attention seeking teenagers? I really hope I’m not ignored.
    I’m very relieved I came across this page & the main reason why I came across it at all is mainly because I was trying to find out what exactly was wrong with me. I’m senior, doing my last year in High School (boarding school). Reading this, I’ve never really convinced myself to be an extrovert, I’ve always been afraid of going out. Whenever I’m at home I find I’m usually a lot “angrier” in a way for no apparent reason, but mostly because I’m convinced that nobody cares. At school I get on well with some of my peers & teachers but I’m usually known as the quiet girl. In the boarding house I’m a lot looser, I can try be funny & I can laugh but that plays a great role in hiding the way I really feel. When I talk to people, I’ll feel ok during the time because the situation is inevitable & try my best to engage but it usually ends then & there. Like yourself nobody bothers to call to ask about how I’m doing or even invite me to “things that would require an invitation”. When girls in my dorm talk about how this & that person sent them a random message I would usually feel sorry for myself & think how much of a failure I am. So I wonder how my life will be as I grow up, especially now. At this point I’m very lost. There’s more I could have said to express myself about the difficulties I’m facing.

  43. This is the very first time I posted a comment on a blog hehe , Im feeelin good too reading this :)

    It seems like my only goal was too be an extro , now screw em guys im going home and enjoying the quiet activites ( am learning to produce music, ). Hope too make friends here though very skeptical anyone would like me here hahahah .
    WE ARE ONE .

  44. I never had many friends, I still dont really. Im 2 years out of highschool, all my life Ive been quiet. I hate being introverted a lot of the time, and because Im shy too, I have a hard time interacting with people. I dont feel I belong at parties or at clubs/bars with my friend, while he invited his other friends cause I always feel left out and just off to the side by myself. I feel embarrassed a lot in those situations. I do enjoy my alone time, but I just wish I wasnt such a loner all the time.

    TL;DR I dont like being an introvert. I have hardly any friends, and I have trouble making them. Maybe its just my personality.

  45. Thank you to everybody for your comments. After years of confusion and very hard nights our trying to be more “social” its good to at least know Im not alone. I always try and research what is different about me but I only found things that sort of explained parts of how I feel, however all of your comments are exactly what I have been trying to explain to myself and people in my life for many years. Thank you for taking the time to post them.

    I am curious however how those of you who have found partners did so. Other than not having a partner I am actually happy with my life. I love my work, I love my city, I am pretty active, in fact I think I do more in a week than any “extroverts” I know; but its usually on my own, so I don’t get to meet people much. The only time I get out is when I can go out with small groups of friends who I have been lucky enough to meet, or when I get lonely and depressed enough to force myself to go out to a party or event in the hope that I will meet someone and hit it off.

    Can any of you share your experiences?

  46. What a beautiful, honest blog post.
    I’m a writer and prefer being by myself. You can explain that to an adult, what do you do when you have children? Yes, try and be extroverted, chirpy and always there. Me time is nonexistent. It was torture.
    However, those 20 odd years paid off and my three children are healthy, happy and successful. I now have time to write and be alone and recuperate.
    Your blog is very courageous. Keep writing.
    Cheers,

  47. selena j on said:

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  48. All my life, I’ve been treated as if my introverted ways are “wrong,” that I just need to “push myself,” and recently was even accused of being a “victim” for not becoming more extroverted. I have tried speaking up for myself and for all introverts, and was surprised at the favorable response to an essay I wrote once, “The Care and Feeding of Shy People.” Now, with the Internet and research into introversion, I finally have all sorts of support for what I’ve tried to explain to people all my life. I finally understand why I am the way I am, while others are not. I finally know that many others are like me, and how our brains work.

    This especially helps after a particularly traumatizing incident. I was best friends with someone, but his wife insisted on me changing myself to please her. I was treated like my shyness, quietness and other introverted ways, were a deliberate affront to her. I tried my best but could never please her. Everything I did was wrong somehow. My “best friend” gave me so many unwanted lectures on how I was behaving wrong socially–things which I discovered are all introverted behaviors. I have always hated such lectures and criticisms. They had zero empathy for what it’s like to be an introvert. Heck, they even stayed at my house for six weeks, and treated me like a terrible host, like I was snubbing the wife, because I would escape to the basement every day to surf the Internet for a couple of hours. Come on, you invade my house uninvited with no idea of when you’ll leave (they were homeless), you fill my house with noise and arguments, and I can’t even get away from your constant presence to recharge? A couple years later, after a huge blow-up, and them insisting they did nothing wrong and I was the one completely in the wrong, my husband and I broke off relations with them. They must be narcissists, because they threatened to sue me for telling the story of what happened, and began stalking me….They still refuse to admit any wrongdoing. I’m quite certain I’ve been dealing with a form of PTSD after all this.

    The experience has left me afraid of making new friendships to replace the one I lost with my “best friend.” I am doing little things here and there, however: inviting people to things, using Facebook to befriend people from church and reconnect with old friends. I may be an introvert, but that doesn’t mean I want to be lonely. However, I have struggled for many years to make friends, only to have them fall away when I would change jobs or churches. I thought my “best friend” was an answer to prayer for a friend, only to have him and his wife severely traumatize me and make my social anxiety even worse than before.

    I write on my blog about introversion. I hope that as word gets out that introverts are not “disordered” or trying to be rude, that we don’t want to be extroverts so stop trying to change us to make you feel better–I hope we will be more accepted by society. I have always resisted people trying to change my introversion. When a counselor would suggest a book about being more sociable, for example, I wouldn’t read it, thinking, “Why don’t people just accept me as I am instead of me having to change?” Don’t call me quiet; ask me a question!

  49. ian paolo on said:

    I’m quite surprised most of these stories are quite similar. I’m also surprised that there haven’t been any accounts of introverts and introverts bring in the same school or workplace. Is it that life is supposed to be a wolf- sheep’s-clothing challenge? I hate my life in my school and the only ones I can relate to are the ones get beaten up at school. I can’t concentrate in lessons either. These sharings are really helpful though, in a way

  50. Pattinoel on said:

    Hi! I am Patti…and I am a reluctant introvert. In high school, I was lucky to have a teacher force me into drama. I was good! It’s so easy to pretend to be an extrovert when you know no one will call you on it.
    I am, to this day, uncomfortable with people. I can chat for a bit, but then, to be honest, I get bored and just want to go home, or to a quiet place. While I mourn the lack of friends, I refuse to do anything to keep the few who really care.
    I see it as most people don’t like me and really, while I crave being loved, I seriously don’t want to be with people.
    I am lucky my husband and daughters kind of “get” me, so I love spending time with them…for awhile.
    It is interesting that someone mentioned manic-depression? I LOVE being alone; then cry because I am.

  51. I consider myself an introvert, not that i cant be social and people due tend to enjoy my company. I belive its because im not like most, i dont care what others think of me, i dont care about others simple problems nor get caught up in . Yeah hanging out is okay but really all you do is get drunk or messed up then what hangover…. Maybe regrets. It gets old and honestly all those people partyin together talk about one another behind their backs, its how people are.. Always want to be on top the ideal person but their not because they need others and are followers. You have to be an individual to be spacial, if you dont enjoy time alone with yourself you need to expand your mind. Yes it might get boaring sometimes but lotta times its better than being around a bunch of morons talking about superficial nothings… Alot of people are lost and hide behind a smile. Im a realist i live for the now and take the day as it comes, I have lived a fast pace life at a young age you name it ive done it.. Like i was going to miss out, those people around are not friends once you come to reality and sober up you see you came in this world alone and will leave alone so focuse on number one thats all you can count on.

  52. Hi, my name is alex, I’m in eight grade and I’ve always though I had bipolar disorder. I got made when people used to ask me over and over again what’s wrong and why are you so quiet? And I still do that. I love it when my bff’s come over but after a few hours, I get so tired of having them around me, it usually takes me about a day to myself to feel normal again. My family thinks every time I don’t talk it’s cause I’m depressed when I’m not. I don’t get it, when I was younger, I used to be able to talk to people and try to be social. I guess it makes sense cause once, my aunt had this big party and I pretended to be really social but when I came back home, it’s like I shut down for the rest of the day. I’m very convinced that I am introverted but what if it’s just my “hormones” kicking in or a sign of puberty? I don’t know if you can get “checked” by a doctor for this but I sure hope so because I can’t stand it when my family asks what’s wrong and if I tell them that I think I am introvert they’ll laugh at me. Anyway yeah thats it so if you have tips for me, comment please.

    • Alex,

      I know what exactly what you are going through, most of my life has been a constant charade, always creating a mask when dealing with others, but due to this I use up a tremendous amount of energy and have to spend days alone to recuperate. Just know that you are not alone. I know that might seem insignificant, but just knowing that someone else is going through something similar can help immensely as well as help you realize that you are not crazy, you are not different or unworthy. You are an amazing human being that has limitless potential. Being an introvert is not a bad thing, in fact, some of the most successful and influential people have been introverts http://www.dailylife.com.au/photogallery/life-and-love/famous-introverts-20120411-1wq34.html

      Further, just realize that over the next 5-10 years you are going to be going through a continual evolution in your emotional and psychological state. I’m not trying to scare you rather I’m trying to prepare you. The best thing to do is don’t stress over what you used to be like, rather, look towards the future and what you can be like. Just take it one step at a time (it’s taken me quite a few years to get to a point of stability, and had I realized what I was going through a lot earlier, my life might have turned out differently). I known this all might sound cheesy, but it’s the truth, I’ve been through all the ups and downs.

      Some suggestions of things to do: journal. This is huge, being able to get your thoughts and feelings onto paper, where no one else can read them is truly therapeutic. It allows you to not only release all of the negative feelings, but also to analyze and understand why those emotions occurred (I chose blogging because I love to write and I love to interact with other people. You might want to think of starting your own blog).

      Another thing you can do is when you start feeling as if everything is falling apart, stop what you are doing and do something completely mindless (ie. watch tv, read, play video games, sports, paint etc.) The idea is to let your mind completely wander and escape the dark thoughts through a new outlet. For me TV shows are the best medicine for depression, anxiety etc, but a friend of mine paints to escape.

      You could also read more blogs and participate in other mental health/introvert forums/communities, as it’s a great way to learn more about mental illness and introversion, but also meet other people who are going through similar situations and can help support you. A few good sites to go to are:

      http://www.socialanxietysupport.com

      http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs

      forums.psychcentral.com/‎

      http://ifyouregoingthoughhellkeepgoing.blogspot.com/

      http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/ (A good mental health site if you are spiritual)

      Also, in regards to introversion there is a very good book you might be interested in reading, it’s called: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain

      Lastly, you could also talk with your school’s nurse and/or counselor. They are bound by law to not be able to tell anyone what you have said, so if you needed to you could talk with them in private and they could also provide some ideas and support.

      I apologize for the long response and I hope this information was of some help. Just hang in there and remember you are a unique individual who is worth fighting for, never give up, never loose faith in yourself.

      Dave.

  53. Hey..i felt very nice after reading your blog coz i also did things as you did..and was always depressed thinking that y people din’t pay attention to me.i was unable to make friends and always thought myself rejected..but after i came to know about introversion i felt quiet confident and happy..but still i have a confusion in my mind..i am an introvert but i don’t have hobbies like an introvert has like reading books or watching television, i mostly sit idle..and i also get depressed when i am alone for a long time though i don’t like company all the time as it gets me drained..i also want someone to accompany me when i want to go sonewhere, this might be because of my social fear as i feel unconfident going to a place alone where i have to talk to strangers for some work..and also i smoke and drink coz it is a kind of excuse i can meet my frnds..without it i don’t get any motive to meet them but i want to meet them for sometime to socialize..but there is a problem as i am going to quit smoking, and without it i feel difficult to socialise coz we introverts don’t talk much and i also don’t have any other hobby to stay with them..so please tell me something i can do fight this..

  54. I’m extremely introverted as well. I have a few “friends”in school who I talk to during the school day, but that’s all it ever is. Once school is out, I never hear from them. No invites to watch a movie,go to a party, or just hang out. It’s like they just completely forget I exist. My mom always asks me why I’m not out with friends or why none of my friends ever come over. I never have an answer. I try to be more outgoing in school, but it seems to lead to nowhere. I mean, I like to be alone most of the time, but it does eventually get very lonely.

    • I feel your pain, even now I’m still struggling with isolation, in fact the support group I was going to ended up being very similar to your experience and it got to the point where I stopped going, and in doing so I spent more time alone. That compounded my depression and before I knew it I was stuck in a black hole. However, recently I started working (I do door-to-door sales, which is odd because I love to be alone, but I’m really gregarious when around other people) and it’s taken my mind off feeling of loneliness. But even now, I can feel it and it can be soul crushing.

      But that doesn’t mean it won’t change. Just wait, you will find other people who are similar or like the same things. But there are also other ways- support groups are a great way to meet new people, especially people who are struggling with similar problems. Also, meetup.com is a great site for finding a new activity.

      In regards to your comment on being outgoing in school, I was the same way in high school, I tried to be the most talkative student in the class, with a wealth of knowledge. Ya, the other students recognized me, talked with me while I walked to another class, but when the bell rang for the end of the day, I was alone once again.

      Unfortunately, I wish I knew of a way to completely remove the feeling of loneliness, as I still currently struggle with it. In fact it wasn’t until last year that I actually made a real friend (I’m 27 now and still only have one good friend and another friend who I talk to once in awhile. In fact my friend allowed me to rent a room with him and his family which was the best thing I could have done. And that’s the thing, something will work out.

      Just hang in there, I know you have the strength to keep pushing through the darkness,

      Dave.

    • Sometimes that also happens with me but fortunately I have made two or three good friends that from time to time invite me to go somewhere and I also try to invite them to go out, but we only do that once every two or three months or so.

      When I’m lonely or feeling lonely I try to make something to distract me, like listening to music or watch TV. Specially listening to music makes me much less lonely and makes my day go brighter :)

  55. Pingback: Mindgamez's Journal of Growth - High School, Cold Approaches, Self-Development - Page 20

  56. 1st of all sorry for my poor english…I am also an introvert,n it makes me feel weird.i find it very difficult to mix up with different people and i find it very uncomfortable while going outside.i just can not explain this feeling of being an introvert.it sucks.sometime i feel very depressed too bcz of my different mentality,and i feel so alone. :(

  57. Hi, i’m 29 and i’m an introvert too, i have few close friends, but i don’t have a boyfriend yet. And it’s a problem for me, because of my age. It’s really hard for me to feel comfort with people, and so does with guys. I just can’t feel comfort with guys that chased me, i once find a guy that really comforts me but he already married. How can i find a boyfriend with this introvert in me? I hate parties, and i only want to hangout with small groups of people, maybe max 3 people. My friends say i have to go out more, have activities more, but i just can’t stand around people. It really drains me. Please help.

  58. I used to try my hardest to be extroverted, not because I wanted to be the life of the party but because I wanted to fit in and be like other girls/ women. They are warm and caring and those qualities are what attracts alot of men, especially introverted men who I happen to be fond of. I also considered extroverted women to be more kind-hearted than myself. I did not like my coldness and lack of energy. So I simply pushed myself to be extroverted, always being nice to everyone, talking to everyone.. I was known as the listener and helper. I would often get so exausted to the point where I could not think clearly. School went to hell, and my other activities suffered too because I was so exausted simply listening to people and interacting all the time. I was also afraid of saying no to people, because I wanted to be popular and keep the peace, but on the inside I was so angry that it was eating me up. Still I kept pretending to be cheerful and social, almost bubbly. I thought that the reason I was miserable was because of my past and that I needed to stop being so sensitive about my past hurts and wounds and just turn myself into a happy, bubbly person. Well, it all worked out fine until I started pushing thirty and felt like killing myselfbecause of exaustion and angerwith other people. I felt suicidal alot of times and started going to a therapist, wich helped. It made me accept myself and love myself more, so recently I have admitted to myself that I am not like my girlfriends and will never be. I am born an introvert and will always be an introvert. That´s how my brain is wired. I am a loving person, but I don´t express it like extroverts, although sometimes I do, but it´s rare. Unfortunately most of my friendships did not survive after I started to live my life according t9o my introverted nature. Even if my friends are amazing, they are simply not like me and we do not fit, so they have moved on and I´m alone. That was another reason why I did not want to admit that I was an introvert. I really wanted to have friends and maybe even a boyfriend, I did not want to spend my life alone. But I realized that it´s something I have to accept if I don´t want to drive myself crazy. I will also make sure to get a job where I will be alone most of the time. I also realized that I´m not only introverted but also Highly sensitive, wich makes it almost impossible for me to be around people alot, because to me just 5 minutes of noise in a crowd is enough to exause me to the point where I can´t think clearly. If you are an introvert and especially HSP make sure to protect yourself otherwise you will create alot of unnecessary stress for yourself.

  59. I’m starting to think I will be alone the rest of my life due to my worsening introversion. I am a 34 yo single gay guy. My best friends have moved away, and are now married and having children. I am alone in NY, and have little to no energy to search for new friends and date. I have a hard job where I have to socialize so much, it is exhausting. I also hate the bar scene and online dating just feels like work to me. I like to spend my weekends alone to recover. But it gets lonely. I feel like all I need to be happy in life is my family, a few close friends, and a bf to spend my life with. I don’t require parties and huge circles of friends. Can anyone relate to this? Any ideas how to get myself out of this funk? I think I am my own worst enemy….damn this introversion.

  60. I have always known I was an introvert but I was shocked when I goggled introvert. It described me to the T. I suggest you do the same and you will feel better. One of the things I like about being an introvert is that everything comes from the heart. I feel genuine and speak earnestly. I love mother nature and feel one with it every time I am among trees, parks, and forests. I love the trickle of water in Church.

    That being said, I remember reading reading Aristotle and it went something like this: If you are a good person but don’t do good deeds, are you really a good person. How will people know you are a good person if you don’t do anything. There in lies the danger of being an introvert. We run the danger of losing touch with reality as we started making assumptions we should never make.

    This is what I struggle with. All my friends do is get drunk and while I do like a drink or two, drinking that is not my end goal. To protect my sanity and independence I avoid everyone outside of work. I don’t watch TV because I know its all propaganda and don’t contribute anything to society. But if I don’t do things other people do, how do I relate to them. Better yet, if I don’t talk to other people how do I find out that we have a lot in common. That is one extrovert quality I like: expression. That is what I have been trying to do. The best way I can think of doing it is to pretend that I am acting. Then it becomes an art which we introverts like. The other strategy I am using is making friends through activities I like.

  61. I am an only child, so introversion and following my own path has always been 2nd nature to me. I am very creative and can’t even really have a relationship as I need my own space and having someone else around me all the time would grate on my nerves. Their yakking…their radio/ TV noise…their demands…UGH!!!

    Luckily I do a lot of music and live in a city, so fulfil my social needs through entertaining. I can entertain a lot of people all at once but talking to them all individually would be impossible. And, funnily enough, in the area I’m in, more Facebook *friends* will not get you more gigs , more custom, mean you are liked more or have more support. It’s a way of letting people know you are out there, but…ahem…so is everyone else!! I don’t do FB…I have my own website…but I know someone who does and despite their having numerous *friends* and making a faithful effort to cultivate connections…they were lucky to get 1 person coming to their gig (and they are a band).
    I have been to all of about 10 parties in my life, and precisely 2 dinner parties. I fail to understand what all the fuss is about. I always found parties dumb and boring, and I am a “doer”, I can’t just sit there and talk or hold a drink, I get restless and would rather be at home working on projects.
    I turn the whole negative view of introvesion on its head and i I am immersed in a project nowadays I am not going to just drop it all to go out on the spur of the moment, if I am in “project” mode. As I implied before, sometimes it doesn’t even matter what social effort you make anyway. It is much better to be honest with oneself, work on oneself from the inside, only then can one be (at the very least) happier than if one tortures oneself with feelings of inadequacy.

    I spent many years of my life in sales and the last couple of years really brought home to me how much I detest the repetitive “hello how are you” crap. At present I am at a crossroads with my career, since I can’t talk all day on the phone anymore, it’s not physically possible for me.

    • Gloriann on said:

      Hi everyone. For starters, I am a huge introvert. I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT. I am 30 years old, married to an extrovert, we
      have 3 beautiful daughters together. My oldest is 5 and a huge introvert. Now think of being an extrovert… their lives are constantly chaotic. Drama at home,work,in their head,with their friends, u name it. I live a quit calm, perfectly arranged life. My husband laughs because he asks me about my day and it’s always the same. No thrills or frills. But, I read everything I can get my hands on, write as much as possible and learn everything about everything. I tried being an extrovert in high school but just couldn’t make friends. To this day I have hundreds of aquaintances and 2 friends. They love me for who I am. I have met many introverts, and they are honestly some of the smartest people I have ever met. I have met countless, not so smart extroverts. So ask all of you young introverts, do you want to be quiet and smart or loud and not as smart. I wish you all well and hope one day you know who you are
      and accept it and learn to love it.

  62. Hey ! Iam bit the same like that ! The problem I don’t hate people really don’t ! The only thing is everytime I meet someone new in my life , friends or people at work , I think its boring they always repeat same questions and asks the same things anf try to give credits to theirselfves first time you met them then after you get to know you realize they are not who they pretend to be ! So why even getting into a fake so called sociable people !! I don’t know really what to think or rather me crazy or them fake ! God bless

  63. After hearing your story, I’m so sad that society does this to people. It’s always the minority that are squashed. Introverts can be such wonderful people with such potential. And society goes ahead and tell them that who they are isn’t good enough and that they need to change, to go against their very nature. That those who are extroverted make the best friends and are the best people and lead the best lives. It makes me sick to think of all those introverts that may be suffering around the world. We may be concentrating on accepting homosexual people right now but are there a whole group of people, namely introverts, whose society’s rejection is accepted by all, including the introverts themselves, which we are ignoring? Introversion or extroversion is just as innate as sexuality or hair color. Thank you so much for sharing this post. It can’t have been easy. Glad you started a blog to create awareness about these issues, it’s one of the reasons I started one as well. As an introvert myself, I am much more adept at written communication than oral.

  64. Hello, I discovered this topic on google and I really like to read it. I’m from Portugal.

    I really don’t consider myself an introvert, I consider myself more of a shy person, but sometimes also introvert (I think all of us have a bit of shyness, introversion and extroversion, that’s normal), because I normally have difficulties in the integration in new environments (for example now in university) although I try real hard to make an effort to do that. I try to talk, laugh but with my shyness and sometimes introversion I had some difficulties in talking and hanging with my other collegues altough I continue to try.

    The matter is that I really like to have friends but until now in my life I’ve never had the tipe of friend that I really wanted, one that was simillar to me and really considered myself his best friend. I dream with the day where I will find that friend and finally be much more happy. Being a shy and introvert has it’s advantagens, specially in what reffers to friendship – we really have consideration for our friends and really care, and also, we are very faithful (that happens with me of course). But, for what I see, now in university I don’t see one person who can fit in that style and that makes me a bit sad because I really had the dream to meet that person in University.

    I can consider myself a non normal guy, because I’m shy and also because I really am sensitive and caring with others (the ones that like me), but it seems that that doesn’t have value in this society anymore (and I fear that in the future it will be even worse). I feel sad for that tipe of things.
    I don’t have many friends, only two or three, but I would like to be close to them and them to me, but I really like them.

    I would like to show to others, with easiness, what I am and what are my interest (I love music for example, and I think there are many people like that indeed), but sometimes that’s hard for me, specially in new environments. I’m really trying to fit in in university and slowly I think I’m making it, althoug not making many collegues and specially friends (I still believe that I will make and I hope so).

    I like to go out specially with friends, but I don’t go out much often. I love going to the beach, surf, walk by the sea, etc, but that is a rare thing to do indeed.

    Well, I think I said it all or at least the most important. Thanks for this post.

    P.S. – I think someone will identify with my post and my personality because when I’m sad with my shyness (and sometimes introversion), I really think that there’s someone on Earth that feels the same that I feel. Thanks for hearing me :)

  65. As an introvert, any extroverting causes my energy to flee, and I’m left exhausted after the ordeal. I prefer silence and being alone, and if I’m with someone, it’s my girlfriend, and it’s chill. But dealing with people makes me nervous.

    • Diogo on said:

      I can deal with people but only with the types of person that I like (the cool tipe that can laugh and smile when we talk and that shows empathy with me), but I’m not that good at dealing with people also, but I consider myself shy not introvert.

      I really like hanging out with the type of people that I like (similar to me), but unfortunately I haven’t been making much friends, specially at college. Sometimes I feel like the only person in the world because of this type of things.

  66. After being in relationship with him for nine years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (spirituallove@hotmail. com) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything.

  67. crystal on said:

    My name is Miss Crystal and I’m from the United States.I’m writing this testimony to tell anyone who needs help No matter if it’s help for love,money or anything else there’s only one place to go to get this help there’s nothing to big they can help you with whatever your problem is. I had contacted them to get some help the oracle was very understanding in my situation and my problem the oracle told me everything I had to do to get this help and what was required of me,the oracle was always there to answer any question I had and was always quick in responding to my questions or any problem I had. They will be there for you every step of the way and will be by your side for as long as you need them. The oracle will solve any of your problems and get you the out come you deserve and want. If you want your lover back or you need help with any other situation all you have to do is contact this email address and ask for help.They are caring and understanding and will help you every step of the way.I never believed in magic or that there was anyone who could help until I contacted this email spirituallove@hotmail. com.if u need help this is the email to contact. Thank you so much spirituallove@hotmail. com

  68. Spencer on said:

    This article really struck me. Your experience is exactly what I’ve been going through for a while now. Just last night I went to a party with people who weren’t really my friends. I got alcohol poisoning and blacked out to wake up the next morning realizing that I hate myself for what I did and everyone at the party shunned me. I don’t know what to do. If you have any guidance whatsoever as to how to move on and get better I would really appreciate it if you would share it.

  69. I’m a introvert and never wanted to change and almost certain I never will….I love myself kinda of sad y’all dont

  70. I’m so glad I found this website and read this post. It made me feel and know that I’m not alone. THANK YOU!!! I am an introvert as well. I can be an extrovert I’m sure if I choose to but the idea of putting on a show and smiling and being friendly with people who don’t really know me or care to know me really bothers me and turns me off. I refuse to deal with fake people and have fake relationships so in the end I’m left alone. I don’t have friends to be honest. I find it so hard to make and have lasting relationships and it hurts me deep down inside. I try my best but in the end I just keep getting used, they walk out of myself, or just take me for granted. I have seen people who claimed to be my so called friend treat my like nothing special but treat other friendships they had with understanding, loving careful hands. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I’m a great person but I don’t get why no one can see that until the need or want something from me. I lost my mom at a young age and had horrible relatives who mistreated me so because of that I left. I had my first ever so called boyfriend who was abusive and isolated me due to the fact that I had no one in life to help me. By the grace of God I was able to leave and am now I have no one but me I am truly alone. But I still have God and I keep reminding myself that to help with my pain. Sometimes I just feel like wasting away and become invisible. The alone thing that gives me solace is watching anime, reading, writing and I hate to say it but stuffing my face with junk food. I want to make friends but it’s hard-really hard. People don’t really know me they just assume that they do and that makes it even more difficult because if you refuse to see the real me it’s because in the end you don’t really care. I would like to reach out to people but I don’t know how. Please help me with some pointers or even be my pen pal. I would appreciate it. Thank you in advance. My email is Flowerbeauty87@gmail.com

  71. Thank you for sharing. I am an introvert, so I can relate. At the end of high school, I was so tired of being alone that I joined a group of girls that did not even like me. They used me for my car, taking them where they wanted to go, and taking them out to eat. They drank and smoked weed, which I did not believe in doing, but I did it, just so I could be with them. Before I got with them, I had one friend who must have been embarrassed by me, because as soon as she got a boyfriend, would not even speak with me anymore. I was painfully shy, and scared of the world. I wish I had known back then, what I know now, because I compromised my morals, knowing I should not have sex, drugs, or alcohol, but did anyways, so I would fit in. It went totally against all of my morals. I just wanted someone to like me.

    I used to be a straight A student, mostly, and graduated a Salutatorian; but as soon as I started smoking pot, I lost my concentration, became deeply depressed, got involved with worse drugs, and became an addict. I was unaware that it runs in my family. I was also unaware that I had a genetic predisposition for depression, until after I smoked pot and it triggered it. I ended up on disability after someone laced some pot I smoked with something even worse. At least I think that is what happened, because I went out of my head, and ended up in a mental institute that damaged me even worse than what I had done to myself. After they were done with me, I could no longer read a book, tie my shoes, and could not communicate more than a few words at a time. I could not carry on a conversation. I had become some kind of vegetable, alive but not living.

    About five years after high school, God reached me, and I got saved by Jesus, and in my broken condition found out that I was worth something. He delivered me from all alcohol, drugs, fornication, and prescription drugs. I just wish I had known back then, what I learned after having a relationship with God my Father. It would have spared me a lot of self destruction, and being vulnerable to others, that did even more damage to me on top of it. I learned to stay under God’s wings of protection after that, and not put myself in such a condition where others could nearly destroy me, because I had done wrong in the first place. I found out that I am a special worthwhile person, because of who I am in God, and not based on anything I do. I am valuable, like a diamond, because God loves me. He has now used my past to help me be more loving and sympathetic towards others, which feeds my own soul when I know I have pleased God and helped another person. It has given me more satisfaction than ever being accepted by a crowd of people that I judged myself against. I learned to judge myself based on who I am in God, and never by what people, that did not have good judgement, thought of me.

    Although I am less functioning now, then I was then, I am able to love and accept myself more, being disabled, than when I made straight A’s back then. I would rather my spirit be in good condition than my brain, which I haven’t given up hope for improving, through God’s healing. A retarded person is in better standing, than a doctor, lawyer, or someone highly functioning; if his heart is right with God. If anyone thinks they are better than other people because of what they are capable of doing, God not only hates this kind of pride, but they are forgetting where all good gifts come from.

    I learned a valuable lesson, that I hope others do not have to learn the hard way, like I did, in order to love and accept exactly who they are, and the way God created them. I want them to succeed and not be poor, and even more unaccepted being labeled “disabled”, “crazy”, or “mentally ill”, and thought of as people who could not possibly know what is going on, or make a good decision. I don’t want them to become disabled from the damage drugs have done, and now hinder their abilities, just to have to learn how to accept themselves.

    I have found out just how misunderstood disabled people are, and how many prejudices there are against us, but the more people dislike me, the more I feel loved by God, because when I turn to him, he clearly shows me this even more when it happens. I become a stronger person in him, than the people putting me down. I than feel sorry for their ignorance, because it is hurting them. I am not afraid at all of being different. I am still an introvert, but now I am not afraid to show who I really am, or being afraid of showing my weaknesses or problems. I am not ashamed of them, because I am not ashamed of me. I totally accept who I am, because God totally accepts me, even when other people don’t. I boldly show my short comings, and no longer try and hide them. I am no longer afraid to talk to people, afraid they might think I sound dumb, like I might have felt in high school. That is probably one of the reasons why I was afraid to speak to people, and I was more higher functioning back then. When I finally did ask a question in my French class, that sounded dumb to my teacher, she hurt and shamed me, by asking what was wrong with me. That shame is now on her, not me. I refuse to accept it any longer. I don’t even think she realizes what she did wrong that added to my problems. The other reason I was afraid to speak was, I had been taught as a child to always be quiet so I did not make my dad angry. I learned to always keep my mouth shut. I never really learned how to talk to people, until I started drinking.

    Yes, it can still hurt how people treat me at times, but I turn to God, and he keeps me from looking down on myself, and lifts me up out of each and every situation. He has also helped me to be very selective of who my friends are now, and guard my tender feelings, because they are worth something. I want to spare others what I went through and the damage it can cause. It was worth it for me to go through all of that, because God has taught me what I could not realize for myself. I hope someone learns from my story, so they do not harm themselves simply because they want to fit in, and then life is harder living on disability. I am okay with it, because God set it up in the government for people like me, who cannot take care of themselves without his help. He does not condemn me for my mistakes, but has come to save and make me better despite them. I have accepted myself now, more than ever, and do not allow others to bring me down. I realize I am weak and fragile, so when I turn to God, I am that much stronger than I was when I was more successful.

    The most important thing in life is to be loving. When I am successful at that, I am achieving and not a failure. I just want better for others, than the problems I have caused for myself, if they can avoid them. Life is not easy on a disability income. People can treat me very hateful, believing I should rather be living in the gutter, than their tax money helping me, but God said not to resent helping the poor and needy, or you will become like them. God said to give to the government because he has set up that authority for a reason. Some people hate the government, but there are some laws that God allowed to help disabled people, like me, and if I work hard at what he wants me to work hard at, and add to society, than I have a right to live too. All the money you earn is from God, it isn’t just gotten by you. It belongs to God, and is from him, so if he chooses to pay me through the government for the functions that I perform in society, rather than through an employer, than others cannot judge me, or they will be judged likewise. I have not given up though. God is still working miracles in my life to improve my condition. I am still worth something, even if my brain never improves. It is God who gives wisdom. He confounds the proud by using the lowly.

    1 Corinthians 1:27
    New International Version (NIV)
    27 But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

    Love in Christ,
    Lisa Davies

  72. I am an introvert and I am happy with it. I suffered a lot trying to change, to fit in, etc. I lived a few years in latin-america and being quiet is not considered bad, people don’t do small-talk all the time, they only talk if there is something in common or valuable to say, therefore true friendships are established. I am an introvert and yet I have like 7 close friends, a best friend, I had relationships. I moved back to USA and felt the contrast, I love it here don’t get me wrong but the culture annoys me, people got to accept there are different personality traits. Instead, society here makes us feel out of place because the US is biased with extroversion, and everyone is a cookie-cuter version of the typical extrovert.
    Realizing all this, in my 20’s and working life (Which is hell, my coworkers are almost all extroverted but I just do my work, don’t care to fit in) liberated me, I’ve made 2 new friends so far,plus 3 other close friends and my sister. I just happen to make friends, but I take care of myself meaning, if I can’t talk or interact I just don’t, what’s the point of worrying? I need quality people not fake acquaintances that like gossip and the “Gift of gab”. At work I communicate for work purposes only but I know ppl think I’m weird but so are few others over there, so I’m not alone. I am friends with only introverts though, I don’t befriend people who make me feel tired. I deal with enough noise at my job, even getting stress-acne because it’s amazing how people can talk for hours about nonsense I still don’t get why this is considered good, it’s not productive lol!
    There is nothing wrong with us, I would love to visit Japan or Canada. Canadians from what I saw last time I went, were more calm. We introverts are special, I am happy and learning to embrace it. I won’t let society tell me I am weird. It’s their problem if they think that way, I don’t care. I am me, I do a great job, I am productive and I talk and interact whenever the heck I want to, not whenever they want me to. I preserve my energy to do more fun things or just stay in my room in bed playing video games. They won’t define me.

  73. Hmm .. I am in the same situation and its damaging my life pretty badly … My self esteem becomes really low because i tried so hard to be a sociable, humorous and helpful person … But everytime after the meeting/event ended, i would feel i am stupid and lousy for being a joker or saying dumb things. So my self esteem suffered even more.

    Eventually i was afraid of anything long term and now i am forever in part time job despite my old age (not too old but people my age are SUPPOSE to be having a stable job) then pple start coming to express their ‘concerns’ which only made things worst.

    Slowly pple start to dislike me as i am way different and negative. eventually i lose most of my friends.

    Then i started to divert my loneliness from the problem and indulge in writing. I depended on my stories to get confident (altho my language sucks i write fanfiction n share them online) and my confident fluctuate with the number of comments i get which is not healthy … :/ eventually i sent a few of my story ideas to local movie company but all were rejected …

    Now i am working part time and its killing me … I am always unhappy and i still can’t get ‘a proper job’ they all wanted me to … :/

  74. I am an introvert too. I would be happy if extroverts didn’t exist.

  75. as and intro/extro .. the question comes to me without even reading everyones story.. just OPs post.. .. that.. to a degree, the amount of intros that have posted.. or see posted.. whilst i skimmed down to the reply box makes me wonder.. is that another attempt at being extro by contributing to the whole of the intros?. .. that is to say.. where all intros are.. .. then all are extros as well.. extros.. would also be intros. .. could it be that there may not be any extros.. that is to say.. with the rampant amount of ppl with diseases.. that is to say.. not at ease.. dis ease.. alcohol, smoking, coffee, ocd, whateva.. wouldn’t that be a method of coping with a traumatic exp? could be from this lifetime or not

    could be from childhood or not.. if an intro.. then one may or should be questioning phylos.. that is to say.. the theology of life.. i say.. life is a set of concepts based on a set of concepts.. same indeifference.. and you can laugh at the way of saying it.. but if you can understand.. then that is exactly what it is..

    .. as i heard it said.. i remember where i came from.. i remember why i came.. i remember why i have to go now.. .. not into divinity. but into infinity!..

  76. Pingback: Introversion Saturday- A Retrospective on Introverts Struggling in an Extroverted World | Struggling with the Elephant in the Room

  77. I am an introvert as well. I just started my first year at college and so far it has been hell. I am isolated in my class and so I’m always outnumbered when people pick on me.My roommates are these horrible, abusive, two-faced girls who are always making my life more difficult. And on top of that I’m homesick.
    I wish there was some space where I don’t have to apologize for being who I am and I’m not judged and misunderstood and treated like a freak in general.I am trying to just ignore everything and concentrate on my work but lately my work is also getting affected. Everyday is like a struggle and the disdain and ill will of people towards me really stings.
    I’m still in the process of figuring out how to deal with this mess that has become my life.

    • I am an introvert, and understand exactly how you feel at college. If you live on campus, it becomes obvious to everyone that you don’t go out and don’t have many friends. You get labelled as a weirdo, which just increases your isolation. You get lonely, but you just aren’t into the partying, and don’t feel like you fit in when you try. No one invites you anyway. It is a cycle that gets worse and worse. You start hanging out at places like the library, just so people might think you have some kind of life. Trust me, I’ve been there.
      I want to reassure you, however, that as you get older, it gets easier. People don’t judge you so much for not being social. I stay in most nights, and I like it that way. I still get lonely at times, but at least I’m more comfortable with who I am. Everyone tells you that your college years are the best years of your life, but don’t you believe it. There are better things on the horizon.

  78. I was always a loner growing up, and I did a lot of great things through it (artistic, ect.). When I hit college however I wanted to hook up with girls and have a ton of friends, and I thought I could be that charismatic person I always wanted to be.
    Unfortunately it was impossible.
    I partied my ass off, got in trouble with the law on several occasions because of drunken incidents (one resulting in a jail stint lasting a month), and behaved in ways that shamed me.
    Now, about ten years later, I finally like myself–besides being incredibly self-conscious and melancholy. I am trying to restore some of my lost promise; lost during my “lost decade” as I call it.

    • Dawn,

      Thank you so much for visiting my blog and reblogging my post it really means a lot to me, especially the topic of introversion, which is something I deal with everyday.

      So thank you for both reading and linking to my post!! I’m really looking forward to reading your blog!

      Dave.

      • You’re not alone, struck a huge chord with me :) Thank YOU

      • I’ve added you to my blogroll and I’m planning on linking you in my next post, I can’t thank you enough, I’ve had almost 20 hits from your reblog!! From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you for your kindness!

        I hope this comment finds you well,

        Dave.

  79. Dee Randle on said:

    Without the contemplatives, the spiritual, the writers, the artists, the composers, the great intuitive scientists, we would still be cave-dwellers. Introverts have built the world we live in, not extroverts. To be an an introvert is a gif, and I know extroverts who envy them: their life experience deeper and richer.t

  80. Jill on said:

    My most pressing need is for a best friend. Someone I can always count on and talk to. I have not always had the best experiences with friends. As a little girl, I had a lovely best friend. We did everything together and went everywhere together. However, there was this other group of two sisters who turned my friend against me and one day, I overhead all 3 of them talking about how controlling I was of her. I didn’t let on that I heard them , but things were never really the same between my friend and I.

    In high school, I had friends but needed that best friend void filled. There was a new girl who came into my school, and I asked her to be my best friend but she turned me down and I think after that, I just had a problem with socializing with people. Throughout most of college, I was known as the girl who moved around on her own. In my final year, I got very close to another girl and we became good friends. I was the happiest I had ever been. I didn’t really need any other person and she seemed to be happy with me. I did have acquaintances I talked to and room mates but my friendship with her was different and filled that void in me. We promised to be maids of honor at each other’s weddings, whenever that happened.

    After graduation, we continued our friendship. However after some years, I got a very high paying job and became hugely successful, in monetary terms at least. My friend kinda withdrew and I just didn’t know how to reach out to her. She moved and I had no idea where she lived. I am embarrassed to say that I actually got married and didn’t invite her because we had not been in touch for so long and I didn’t know how to handle the fact that there was now such a difference in our lives. It was very immature of me and I have regretted it for many years. My husband became my best friend and was always there for me, but I always thought of my old friend and I missed her dearly.

    One day after four years, I called her up and we spoke. I had just had my second baby and invited her to be my baby’s god mother, which she accepted. I however, had to move within a month of our re-connection and right now, we talk occasionally on the phone. The bond we once had is gone and it’s sad to me, even though I am partly to blame for that.

    As far as making other friends, my husband has a large group of friends and the wives are all very friendly. I got to know one of them aside of the others and we became very friendly. She is a major extrovert who likes to have as many people around her as possible. Whenever, we talk on the phone, I just want to talk about things concerning us but she always talks about every other wife in the group and what they are doing and how she hung out with them on some day etc. we have been there for each other in so many ways, despite the differences in our personalities.

    One day we were having a phone conversation and we got into a bit of an argument and she said some disrespectful words to me. I was really hurt and turned off. Mentally, I went into my shell and didn’t really want to be around her anymore. She would send me messages and I would wait a day before sending a short response. Once she asked me if everything was okay and I said yes, just because I didn’t want to tell her what the problem was and have her go blabbing it to the other wives. I just wanted to quietly end the friendship. Now, I’m lonelier than ever. My only real friend is my husband and he keeps pushing me to talk to her and make other friends but as much as I want to have friends, I think I have a problem with pushing people away and not being able to fully connect with anyone. I envy people who have large groups of friends but I do not think I function well in groups.

    Right now, I am open to building new friendships but I also know that it’s pathetic that at my age, I really have not sustained any strong friendship. I do have friends across the globe whom I speak to from time to time, but none of them is a really close friend. Because I am not lacking financially, I have some confidence and I’m working on growing it even more but I know I have a problem and wish I could develop stronger relationships with people.

  81. I’ve wanted a best friend right here in town, myself. I’ve had best friends at school, and keep up with them through e-mail/Facebook, but school was 20 years ago now. I moved to a new town to be with my husband, but despite many attempts, just don’t have that close friend I long for….To vent or share about anything, I have to use Facebook/e-mail most of the time, rather than an in-person conversation.

    Some years ago I made a friend on the Net. He seemed to be awesome, pious, etc. Then he moved his family to my town, and I thought I finally had that in-town BFF. But then over time, he and his wife turned out to be narcissists, who bullied me for being an introvert. I guess being quiet and shy is “inappropriate.” I strongly believe they were conning me so they could use me, because they were poor and I was generous, then using my introversion as an excuse to abuse me in various ways, so I wouldn’t notice….

    So now I’m lonely again. I do things with church and a writer’s club, but so far the friends aren’t that close yet. But at least it’s something, and hope for a future friendship.

  82. Joss on said:

    This is a brilliant blog post. Thanks for having the courage to talk about it. You’ve pretty much described my life & school/uni experience. 

    It’s amazing how alone you feel. To hear it described in words (that you couldn’t have said better yourself) is incredibly cathartic.

    I think many introverts suffer from the post traumatic stress of trying to ‘fit in’ where they don’t (unless they’ve lived an incredibly fortunate life on a different planet, where being a shy loner didn’t make you a potential target).

    It’s sad, because humans are social creatures and have an inherent need for human interaction. It’s just a pity that there isn’t a separate planet for us introverts.

    I’m actually now really proud to be one, and to be one of the ‘mentally disordered’ (I don’t have bipolar but I have major depression, OCPD, OCD & ADD). The very best, most intelligent, most empathetic and funniest people I’ve ever met have been mentally-disordered introverts. It’s almost as if you need to be screwed up to have a really good brain and sense of humour.

  83. Masooma Ali on said:

    I’m an introvert and I never wanted to be an extrovert. I’m happy the way I am but what pisses me off is how people react to my ‘introvert-ness’. Everyone makes fun of me because I prefer to stay quiet and in a world of my own. I keep pushing my friends away idk why I get mad when I’m too pushed or surrounded by people who do gossips all the time. I’m a girl and I HATE TALKING ABOUT OTHERS. Let them do what the heck they want. Who cares.

    I was in a group in my high school’s last year. I thought everything was perfect. I enjoyed their company. But when we left the school everything changed to what it used to be.

  84. okay7 on said:

    I’m an introvert dating an extreme extrovert. My significant other thinks that I use being an introvert as an excuse and that basically it is not a real thing. I don’t mind people in small doses, but not for hours at a time like he does. I’m a listener and rarely contribute to conversations unless I feel very strongly about something. I find small talk to be tedious and unnecessary. My boyfriend is always telling me that he doesn’t understand why I don’t have friends since I’m a great person. I try to explain that I don’t want any friends (or at least ones who aren’t clingy) but he doesn’t get it. He has a multitude of friends and is always talking to one at some point of the day. I’ve accepted that he’s an extrovert and don’t mind if he does things on his own, but I’m tired of his attitude towards me and not listening to my concerns and/or needs.

  85. Christine on said:

    I am an introvert myself. For some reason, I think that extroverts have easier lives just because they are extroverts. As an introvert, I find that life is very difficult; especially because we live in a society where connections are key to a lot of things. I can be extroverted..but only towards my close friends. I just can’t go up to a random person and start talking. It’s kind of scary for me, and stressful too, and usually people can see that and then they just think that I’m trying too hard or am just weird. Then they don’t want to talk or they roll their eyes at me, and that really hurts my self-esteem, thus making me even more introverted.

  86. Reblogged this on Cats & Tea and commented:
    I just stumbled across this and thought I’d share it for all the introverts out there. It’s the first piece on introverts that mentions using alcohol to become an extrovert and it’s so true! Well for me it is anyway. It’s such a shame our society only celebrates the outgoing people. Introverts have a lot to offer :)

  87. I am an introvert. I love being an introvert. I am never bored. When there’s absolutely nothing to do and no one around, I can stimulate all kinds of brain activity and entertain myself in my own head. I can talk to myself. I can “play” music in my head that i memorized or partially memorized and stimulate my own moods and energy levels. Really, the only downside is finding other introverts to befriend. Why? We really love our private time and dislike going out and doing stuff.

  88. Mason on said:

    So I just stumbled upon this website here one morning and thought about how much of an introvert I am, trying multiple times to be am extrovert. I guess you could say that it all steered out when I was younger….
    After I was born, I was in my parents care for not quite a whole year. I was adopted by a couple with four sons, who had always wanted to have a daughter. We moved together as a family to Colorado and lived there for six years. While in Colorado, I don’t remember much about the younger years, but I do remember that I never started school until the second grade because I was not “school material,” as my mom would call me. When I was four years old, I was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. I would go to daycare twice a week, but never wanted to stay because there was so many kids there, only about 5-7, but that was enough. My mom ended up staying at home with me after a month or so of screaming and kicking and hiding in the corner of the daycare with a pet spider I named Fearful. Every time a kid would come by me I told them that I would have Fearful bite them.
    Once my mom started staying home with me, I was happier and could focus more on being a kid in my own home rather than being afraid of everyone else. Because my parents didn’t want me to start school, more or less because I told them I wasn’t going to go, they home schooled me instead. I had a higher intelligence level for one reason, and would get bored when someone was trying to teach me the abc’s or colors when I had already known them for three years. This, at first, made my parents believe that I could be on the autistic spectrum. However, because I had already been on four different medications for ADHD, they didn’t want to mess with my brain chemical imbalances anymore.
    After a while of being at home with mom and my dad and brothers torwards the end of the day, I didn’t like to go else wheres. I really hate that I look back on this now and ask myself “what was I thinking?” it bothers me that, although they weren’t my blood-born family, they took care of me like I was one of their own. It makes me come to tears to realize that I was the cause of a lot of problems and that I had missed a lot of special occasions including multiple family vacations and family get-togethers or trios to the movies or going out to dinner because I was just too afraid to be with other people.
    One of the best things that I did do as a child though, mostly something that my oldest brother Matthew taught me, was snowboarding. I had started snowboarding when I was four amd have made a passion of it since then. I had been in competitions on numerous mountains in Colorado, Utah, Wyoming, but mostly all out west. I had the chance to visit the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City, Utah, and even in Vancuver, Canada, but I refused because I knew there was a lot of people going to be there.
    I felt a sense of security when I was on the mountain; like nobody could be near me or I could leave if I wanted becaUe I was there shredding the slopes on my own. However, like usual, all the good things in life come to an end at some point in time….
    The family moved to Hawaii for a little while just for the “experience” of living there. I was nine years old when the family took me on this wild adventure. Although I had lost the mountains covered with snow, I soon gained a new passion; surfing. My two oldest brothers and I would go out to the beaches early in the korings and shred what we had always known as just the Pacific. But after spending a few months on the beaches, like I said before as all good things come to an end, we moved back to the big land, and headed up north and east to New Hampshire. My parents wanted to start me in school just to “try it again.” by that time, I was suppose to be in the third grade, but they put me in the second grade because that was my first experience being in school. As much as I hated it being with others, I hated it even more having to sit still and listen to a teacher attempt to teach me somethin I already knew. And as many times as I told the teachers I already knew, they said “it didn’t matter, a fresh-up is always a good thing.”
    After a while, I decided I wasn’t going to do anything. I was pretty much giving up at 8 years old on school, and I just wanted to go back to Colorado and live on the slopes doin what I do best.
    After a few times of being sent to the principals office and having multiple conferences with my parents, teachers, guidance counselors and even a psychologist, I was diagnosed with Oppositional Difiance Disorder, or ODD. I already knew that wasn’t true, but as much as I told my parents and teachers and everyone else, they didn’t believe me.
    However after being in the second grade for about 2 months, I was put into the third grade, and soon after I tried a weeks or two there, I was put into the fourth grade. Finally after two months or so, I was finally in the right grade and learning a little more about the things I hadn’t previously known before.
    All was fine and dandy and I had started a job after school and on vacations with my oldest brother painting. We had so much fun together. He gave me patience and taught me that all the good things in life don’t always end. However that lesson didnt stick in my mind for too long. When i started the 6th grade, my oldest brother Matthew was killed in a head on collision with a texting driver. Although my theory of good things don’t last was proved, I learned what not to do behind the wheel as well.
    After my brother passed, I stayed in my room for almost a week, only making seldom trips to the bathroom and kitchen. Mostly I slept, and when 5 days passed, I took a walk outside. I feel like a chunk of me was missing, but I also feel like I made it worse by staying on bed and sheltering myself from the world. I hadn’t been in a car from the tine that happened to almost two years after that.
    When I got to high school, I had to ride the bus. I remember the first time I got on the bus it felt like someone had their hand around my neck choking me and they were taking a knife through my heart. By the time I got to school though, I had had a panic attack and spent my first day of school in the nurses office then at home. My parents took me to the doctors where again, they diagnosed me with some sort of mental condition. Accept this time, it was PTSD. At the time, I didn’t know what it meant, I just knew that if I were to get into an automobile, i would have a panic attack. However after taking some medications and being “trained” to get into a car and go for a ride, I was able to get back into automobiles.
    As life continued and so did school, my family kept telling me that I wasn’t going to be able to have a fun life or a good job because I wasn’t willing to step out of my comfort zone and join the “real world.” I was sick and tired of being told I wasn’t going to see my dreams come true and my future was going to be nothing special. I had made multiple plans of how to end life, but never considered any of them because I felt like I was made to be here for a reason and if I weren’t, I would have been gone a long time ago.
    I made a pause button on my life and pushed it. I started paying attention to my school work and started studying for my classes. I decided that I want to prove everyone who said I couldn’t that I could and I was going to. To all of those who said I wasn’t goin to graduate, live like anhermit in my parents home and stay hidden from the outside world, I was gonna do what I had to to prove them wrong. And I’ve done that since.
    When I was a junior in high school, I was at one of the jobs that I had after school and I got a text from my brother Mit who was a year older than I. It read, “meet me at the hospital asap.” because thst was such a vague message, yet startling, I left work in a hurry and headed to the hospital. When I arrived, I saw my families vehicles in the parking lot by the doors of the emergency room. When I entered, I saw my family huttled in a corner of the wait room. I will never forget that moment where my brother scooped me up in his arms and told me about our second oldest brother Michael. He had overdosed on a mixture of alcohol, cocaine, and molly.
    At that point I had had enough. I ha made plans to drop out of high school, and finish my life some other way other than follow my dreams.
    But here I am, writing on a blog going way off topic telling others about my journey of life an now saying, that it’s just begun. So what change my mind? To tell you the truth, to this day, I’m still not sure. I never finished my junior year, although I only had a week or so left, and I stopped working for about a month. I drew pictures, wrote poems an songs, and even made quotes.
    While sketching a picture of the trees in the woods, I looked up in the sky, and of what was a cloudy day, the sun had peeked out in three little holes, spreading it’s rays upon the tops of the forest. From that day, I had told myself that those little holes were Matthew and Michael looking down at me from heaven telling me to keep going and not to give up. As for the third hole, I soon learned not too long ago that my biological father had passed away just after I was born in a plane crash. I was sure that that third hole was him.
    After that month after Michael passed, I returned to my jobs and returned as a changed individual. I was taken off of all 27 medications that I had ever been diagnosed with to take, and had started what some call a trend. I match everythin color-coordinatingly; shoes, shirt, sunglasses, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, socks, even my tooth brush and the food I eat has to match. I created a business that helps “Make the World a brighter place…. One color at a time,” which is my businesses motto. I make everything from scratch and donate 15-20% of the proceeds to a different charity each month. I currently just graduated from high school and am going to attend college this fall to become a teacher to help the young not give up on life and follow their dreams. If I were to leave all readers of this message with one thing, it would be to always stay true to yourself and do what brings you closer to your dreams. Don’t let mental illnesses get in your way. If you have to take medication for them, do so, but don’t let it bring you down and don’t let those giving it to you do so either. Because just from personal experience throughout my life, sure I may not pay attention or sit still for very long, or so what If I color coordinate everything to match because it’s what I do, it’s my personality, and I wouldn’t want to change it for anything. Although others call it OCD, it’s my life and future and I’m not taking anything for and being happy for having it and doing so. So no matter what you consider yourself, introvert or extrovert, be happy woth who you are and don’t let others push you into something you don’t wanna be.

  89. Sloba on said:

    I am diagnosed with social anxiety disorder , i took medicine none of which have helped me, i have the feeling that somebody is pushing me to be outgoing like some sort of complex in my head but deep inside me i just want to stay alone, it feels like there is struggle of two differently directed currents inside of me which are ripping my soul apart, i have so many suicidal thoughts and i struggle everyday, at the moment i took a small break from studying medicine to put myself back on feet but i don’t know will i ever be ok nor will i ever fit with others. I have constant feeling that something is expected from me.

    I am seeing a psychotherapist and she says that she has seen many people like me change during psychotherapy, but if i am introverted person i don’t think that i will ever change and be comfortable about myself.

  90. bebs on said:

    like reading your if could have coz i think i can relate

  91. tom gailson on said:

    I consider myself to be an extreme introvert and very comfortable with it, now that I understand what was causing all the problems.
    After 20 years in the military I thought I really did not like being around people and I bought a cabin out in the woods out in the middle of absolutely no where and lived there for twelve years and was happy.
    It does not bother me to be around large numbers of people, as long as I don’t have to socially interact with anyone.
    It seems like understanding the problem makes it a lot easier to deal with, but I am still relieved when guests leave, even a old friend and do not like meeting new people.
    It seems much easier to have the company of a pet than to be around people,
    wife drives me nuts in the morning and I’m sure she is sick of my behavior.

    its like a form of therapy writing this, thanks

  92. Anna Smith on said:

    I completely understand your experience. I also went through the ‘drink to be able to talk’ stage in my life. It took me years to realise that what I was doing was giving people a bad impression of me, and ruining friendships that were with good people, and leaving me stuck in bad friendships. Because I was so chatty when I was drunk I would then feel pressured when I saw people in normal situations to be just as talkative. I would take on all the responsibility to carry a conversation, and if it was awkward I would blame myself. I wanted to be constantly entertaining and funny, but now I’ve realised that it just isn’t humanly possible. In such an effort to be extrovert I was ruining all the good things about myself. I would randomly chat about stupid things just to keep conversations going, I would get extremely drunk to have “fun” and avoid one to one conversations of fear that I couldn’t do it. What turned my life around was accepting that I was not this person and that I did not want to lock myself in my room and be unhappy. Just because I was an introvert didn’t mean I should be locked away from life. The reason I was hiding away was from trying to be something I clearly was not. I went to some therapy sessions, as I’m not sure whether this applies to anyone else on here, but being open about my emotions has never been easy for me. Perhaps, like you stated its easier to believe that people just didn’t care and that I was unloveable, rather then speak to people about it directly. The therapy itself helped but it was more that I was ready to not care about people I didn’t know that got me into the world. I decided that the burden of entertaining other people did not fall on me. That I am who I am.
    To concor my fear I went abroad to Australia for a year, and in that year I shared a room constantly (something I never thought I’d be able to do, and that would drain me), I would always sit in the living room with everyone else and not beat myself up if people didn’t seem to like me. What happened was that I was capable of making good friends, and I realised that I am a good person who is worth being friends with. All the bad things I thought about myself, other people did not even consider. Course not everyone would like me, and there were days where I felt depressed or unloved but each year it reduces. Some weekends I stay in alone and I accept that is just how I am, and I like it.
    I’m no longer striving to make other people like me, they either do or they don’t. I still find talking to new people uncomfortable but I relax about it now. I don’t strain myself in conversation or fear an awkward silence, because friendships just take time for me. Some people (the extroverts) can just run into new people and be best friends straight away, but I accept that it can take months for me to have the same and feel comfortable.
    I’m sorry for rambling, my advice is that we introverts may have less close friends, and life can be harder but don’t give up. Be who you are, and don’t try to make others happy. The best thing you can do it face your fear. For me it was just as simple as being around people constantly, and having to share a bedroom, because that way I ha no choice but to be myself, and I could not lock myself away or hide anywhere. I had to deal with it head on. Of course everyone is different, looking back I think it took me 3 years to actually make some headway, and I’m still trying!
    Good luck my fellow introverts!

  93. Anna Smith on said:

    just to be clear as well, by no means was constantly sharing a room easy for me, I meet so many people who tell me that when they first met me i am very quiet but after a couple of months I gradually get louder lol.
    Its an up and down pattern, the more time I have alone and with my thoughts the more depressed I become. Sometimes I can just feel myself slipping into my old ways, but I just try and avoid triggers that set me off.
    I try not to spend too much time on my own, or I advise taking on a hobby or going to adult classes, or a new course etc. I’m sure some of you can relate, but I find focusing on anything extremely hard when I’m on my own. Sometimes being on your own can leave your mind feeling free to focus on depression, because there is no one else in the room. Its easy to dwell on it, and suddenly that book you were going to read, or that work you were going to do becomes impossible to focus on. People have been the sadness of my life, a constant battle to try and fit in, and not being able to relate to others. But they have also been a thankful distraction from focusing on my self destruction. Do a hobby that forces you to be around others, the more you learn, the more skills you have, the knowledge you attain, the healthier you feel, then the happier you will be.
    If you have extra pennies start going to piano lessons once a week :)
    I find the hardest part of my introverted behavior is being able to accomplish anything being left on my own as my mind wonders. But a focused introverted mind is amazing!

  94. Hey! You don’t know relieved to know I am not the only person feeling this way. I have just left high school and going to uni in September. My ‘friends’ have now taken a strong liking to going out and getting wasted constantly, I hate being in situations like that, so I don’t go. Some of them don’t understand why I don’t like but that’s okay because it’s hard to when you don’t experience the feeling i guess?

    I feel like I haven’t made GOOD friends during high school that will actually be there for me when I need them. Also due to me not really wanting to go out drinking/clubbing, my other friends now leave me out, but all they really do is go out drinking :/ But anytime we are together it’s all they talk about. Like how drunk one of them got or how many people they ‘pulled’. I’m just like okay then. I now no longer want to spend time with them because I always mask my feelings anyway but now its like pushing it to the max and being alone seems like the better option.

    I have to admit there are times I feel so lonely I just want to cry all the time, but it’s my choice and all I can hope for that these 3 months will pass and I meet better people in September, but it’s just getting there which is the problem.

    Thank you for this post and all the comments given! It’s made me feel less of an alien.

    Jess

  95. Helen on said:

    Your story is so close to my own it’s crazy. I had almost exactly the same experience when I went to University here in the UK, and I ended up with depression that spiralled out of control with drinking and me pushing to be an extrovert. As a result I ended up quitting, as I didn’t make any friends and people treated me badly.

    I’ve always thought up until that point that I was ok as an introvert, but I left for University at 19 years old after just losing my Father to cancer and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

    From then on I’ve had an uphill battle with being an introvert, and now I have found a great guy whose parents don’t like me because I’m “too quiet”. I lost so much confidence and now I’m being judged. I’d love to know how people overcome social anxieties and come out of their shell. My friends are so confident and I’m so jealous and I envy them greatly.

    More acceptance is needed and understanding that not everybody is the same. Maybe then life wouldn’t be so hard.

  96. Shabu kazi on said:

    I am also an introvert. The reason for this is my body height 4’8″ and my speech(i am rude). No matter how hard i try, i end up being a fool. I tried alot to behave normal and frank but i couldnot. I get afraid to face people. So, i have just few friends and i get constant lonely feeling. I have started to have traumatic depression. I tried to commit suicide few number of times. Its getting worst day to day. This has changed my body language,speech etc. People now view me as a psycho. What shall i do now?

  97. Iheartheatherbees on said:

    I feel like I need an escape. Everyday that I go into work, I come home completely stressed out and feel like crying. Have you ever gone into a room to feel like everyone is talking about you and they stop once you enter? That is my life. I feel this tremendous pressure to be this perfect person and I only isolate myself more and more. I cannot stay at jobs because I get way too anxious and depressed. I know that I am extremely introverted and have generalized anxiety, but I just think the whole world looks at me like I am completely weird. The stress seems so overwhelming sometimes that I’m not sure what to do with it. I pray that someone understands this line of thinking and that I am not completely alone.

  98. Elizabeth on said:

    Hey, another introvert here:)I’m 17 gonna be a senior. So i just came from hanging out with some friends when I realized I had a major headache and was really tired. And I realized that this always seems to happen after socializing. It really is a struggle for me trying to maintain a conversation with people. Sometimes I have no problem especially with people I’m close to. But mostly I find myself agonizing having to hang out with people or friends. I get intense anxiety and stomach aches. And then going I just sit there wishing to go home and having literally nothing to say. When normally at home I can’t stop talking and am always wishing to be around people. It’s been really frustrating because my parents don’t understand. They tell me to make “more friends” and it’s not that hard, but it feels so painful for me just the thought gives me anxiety. I feel often when I go out that I hate people while simultaneously wishing to be invisible and rather observe people from afar. It really has become a problem for me because I just stay at home all the time. I can’t even go to the store anymore even though I love going, but a crowd of people makes me anxious. I’m also often depressed because how alone I feel and how much I hate not having friends to talk to. It’s such a horrible cycle I don’t know what to do.

  99. Trinh Nguyen on said:

    I am an introvert. I do alot of things by myself like going to restaurants, stores etc.. I have more fun doing things by myself most of the time. Once in a while, I would feel like being around people. I think I am more secure than most people. I don’t need social approval as much as other people.

  100. I’ve always been an introvert, I was born and I didn’t make a sound, growing up I was a selective mute even to my own family, really my parents thought that I could not talk for years until they happened upon me talking with my cousin. In school I did well, they said that I was very intelligent but I didn’t speak or participate in class which brought down my grade. And I can remember my teachers forcing me to stand up in class and join in on their loud fun and being so uncomfortable in anxious.

    The sad thing is no one actually figured it out that I was just the introvert type, they all labeled me as ‘shy’, saying that I would outgrow it and so on which resulted in my mother forcing me into play dates and other programs. I can handle being around some people, I can even handle being in crowds as long as it was my choosing to do so and I can decide to leave whenever I feel like it.

    I have tried so hard to explain to my family what it is like. but when you’re the only introvert in a whole family of extroverts it’s hard. They just don’t get it seeing it as wrong, that something is wrong with me because I’m not like them (although given how some of them are I really do not see how they are making being an extrovert a good thing). It’s a bit worse with my mother, she still tries to force it onto me even sorta waving away the explanations of how I get anxious and choked up when having to suddenly deal with people when I’m far from prepared for it. She calls it depression and unhealthy rather than listen to me when I say that I am happy. And the sad thing is that the way that they act about me being an introvert makes me more depressed than anything else.

  101. I am a guy and Im having the same problems with many introverted people here.. recently I have suffered most by this depressing introversion. I had a very nice friend when we came to the university. At first I did’nt have much attention for her, but she was immediately kind of into me since the first time we met each other, and she also conceded it after a long time. Not like me, she is quite an outgoing person who enjoys meeting and sharing with many people. Maybe the opposite characteristics create the attraction for us, as I felt the energy and enthusiasm of her is very sweet and attractive, and she thinks of me as a stable and safe place to lean on. Anyway, after a period of time I asked her to be my girlfriend but she denied and dated with another guy. However, she kept acting and feeling like I was a big crush of her. After 3 years which is the recent time, she even actively came to me and express her feeling and we had been doing many couple stuff. However, I still felt some kind of insecurity of being with her, that I could not keep her aside as I want. So after some struggles being in our relationship, I decided to leave her, then looked for other relationship. However it suffered me so much that I could’nt imagine. I still kept thinking about her all the time and I lost concentration at work that the boss fired me after the trial period recently. Yes I know it sucks, my life is quite messed up right now as Im currently an unemployed new graduate who doesn’t have a job and has a big mental issue of getting socialized and doing better. Things get worse for an introverted person like me as when being troubled, instead of sharing the problems and looking for solutions from other people, I tend to be more closed that made me very depressed. I have some really good friends who I could share my stories and problems with but the point is sometimes I don’t feel myself “fit” with other people and it finally took me into a state of depression. I usually feel afraid of calling for friends to talk with them about my problems because I think I might disturb them with my issues, even I know they would listen and give me great advices. Obviously being an introverted person sucks, but it’s so difficult to “get out” and be more socialized with other people.

  102. Syrriah on said:

    I struggled with being an introvert through most of my life. I thought I could change myself if I just went out more, had more friends, or forced myself to do things I normally wouldn’t. I turned to alcohol at parties in order to become more social even though I hated the feeling of being drunk. I went out often with friends even though I never wanted to. I couldn’t understand why everyone else loved going to parties none stop over weekends and I couldn’t because I just became so exhausted and angry.

    I eventually went in the complete opposite direction where I shut myself away. I was just as miserable that way too.

    I’ve managed to achieve some sort of a balance where I can force myself to go out when I need to but I feel like it’s ok if I want to stay home and do nothing.

    I’m currently dating an extrovert and it’s not easy. He wants to go out and I either force myself to go out with him and I end up becoming unsocial and irritable, or he stays in and becomes irritable. He has the option of going out on his own but he never wants to. I feel guilty when I keep him in and I feel annoyed when he ‘forces’ me to go out. The plus side is that he helps me keep social and he pushes me when he can see that I need to see my friends and get out of the house.

    Being an introvert in an extroverted world is not easy, but I’m glad I’m not alone!

  103. DeAnna on said:

    I’ve been diagnosed and given meds for ‘social anxiety’, called ‘shy…rude…anti-social’ always knew I was ‘introverted’  but just yesterday discovered what ‘introverted’ REALLY meant… and wow..what an eye opener!  I’m 42 yrs old…and just figured why I am the way I am.  Reading that introverts get ‘drained’ from social settings was the biggest ‘Ah-huh’ moment for me…  in my searching for information I also came across HSP (hyper sensitive person) and BINGO…another hit!

    Like many above have said, people that I know think I’m funny…fun…. life of the party…  when I DO go out with people that I know..I can feel like this…I AM at my happiest…I DO wish I was that person 100% of the time…. And it has made me crazy wondering why I can’t …  it feels like I have multiple personalities…or have some sort of psychotic disorder… anything that would explain the ups and downs…   I also have NO friends… (none that I could call and go to the mall with…or invite over for a BBQ)  sure, I have 300+ friends on facebook…but I don’t really want to hang out with any of them in person.   Every now and then I’ll go to happy hour with a few from work…but that’s the extent to my social life.
     
    For the last year, I’ve been dating the strongest extrovert I have EVER met… it has been hard to say the least… I was excited thinking here’s someone who will get me out more… but every time I go out with him…it ends in a disaster.  The noises, the constant movement of tons of different people, I get overwhelmed, exhausted, and I shut down… I have zero control over it… and my boyfriend is getting so frustrated.  Last Saturday night, we met up with 2 other couple friends of his, I had met one of the couples before, and I do feel ok with them… so I was going into it a little anxious…but thought..’it’s just dinner…it’ll be ok’…I wanted the chance to show bf that I can be social,  so we get there..we’re the first ones to show up,  and the place is PACKED, they can’t seat us for another 3 hours.  bf contacts his friends to tell them this..and so they plan to go out for a couple drinks while we wait….  OH MY GOD, A CHANGE IN PLANS???!!!!   No time to process this, I go into a panic … and boom..80% of my energy is instantly drained.

    We walk 6 blocks to the bar…I kind of just hang out in the back of the line…just getting myself together, looking for quiet/calm moment to re gather myself…. (this made my bf mad thinking I was being pouty..which I’m sure it appeared that way)  and in reality, I did need/want him to be beside me…to hold my hand, to comfort me,   having him close and protective of me seems to recharge me quickly, but catch 22..he gets frustrated not understanding what’s going on inside me, and kind of ignores me.  (he’s not being mean..just like you would not encourage a pouting child)

    Sitting at the bar, I do engage in conversation (WHEN a question is directed AT me) and I made it a point to hold a ‘smiley’ face (you ever hear of relaxed bit*h face?.. ya, I totally have one!) in the conversation…someone says ‘You are quiet’ bf replies ‘she’s shy’  it’s a blow…I really felt like I was making an attempt to appear to be social….  :(   Kind of shut me down…what’s the point of spending energy when it’s going unnoticed anyway? (oh, also something I said when trying to converse with BF was taken wrong, and later I was reprimanded for it) damned if you do, damned if you don’t right?, The (new to me) couple, are the kind of people that talk nonstop, anytime I would be asked a question, I would say 2 -3 words and be interrupted … so in all fairness it’s not like I could say more than a few words anyway.

    Back to the constant talking… it is VERY difficult and SO tiring for me to be around people like that!  When we made it to the restaurant.. I was still feeling OK… the restaurant was still packed to full capacity, people crammed in small area so it was SO loud with multiple chit chatting from every direction… I unfortunately sat right next to the chatty girl in our party… (did I mention she had a LOUD booming voice that talked with massive enthusiasm 100 mph??) so 2 ft from my ear, she  would be screaming to talk to the rest of the table… (go back to the HSP) this depleted any energy I had left…I literally checked out…  I even tried explaining to the bf that she was screaming in my ear and it hurt (seriously got ear & head ache) but it was too late, bf was done with me, went to bed not saying much to each other, and then the next morning, he told me I embarrassed him, that everyone asked him what was wrong with me…”was I mad? Bored? Did I not like them?”    ‘I embarrassed him’..oh boy did that break my heart to hear :( makes me feel so socially inapt I should just become a hermit.

    So that night is what made me search out introvert… I also had bf google it, in hopes he would also understand me better… that it’s how I’m wired, not that I’m just being ‘shy or intentionally rude’

    And now maybe we can find ways cope with our  total opposite sides of the ‘verts’ spectrum.   One idea I’ve read that I like best is  ‘have a time frame that we’ll be out’  I think having a ‘end’ time that I can look forward to  will help me ‘budget’ my energy … but I just know bf will not like having a ‘time frame’ put on him.

    Another suggestion I read, that I really didn’t like…is make it OK that “the extrovert goes out by himself”, & “introvert stays home alone” (insert disclaimer that  on top of everything else, I’m on the jealous side (*sighhhhh*) and I really don’t want him going out to bars without me, also, I’m an introvert that does not like being ‘alone’ I want and love to spend a lot of time with him!)  We live a couple hours from each other, so weekends are only time we get together, and he does get out with his friends almost every night of the week,  he can’t stand being home by himself.     When he plans something for us to do together…it always involves a LOT of other people…(either us getting together with people, or large crowd events)  And I do believe he would rather I go with him anyway, he just wants me to like/get along with his friends.  Totally legit and understandable, sucks that it has to be so freaking hard!

    I don’t know what’s going to happen in our relationship at this point, but knowing this about myself has lifted a huge ‘wtf is wrong with me’ off my shoulders, and I’m interested to see how (if at all) anything changes now that I know what’s going on, and knowing that I just need to take some quiet ‘time outs’ to recharge, but the truth of knowing that I can’t change it…and knowing how much of an extrovert bf is, I do think he’d be better off with someone more like him, and I’d be better with someone who is more like me.  (how in the world would 2 introverts meet?????)  but we’ve been through so much together, and we really do love/care for each other…and are so good together in many other ways… guess I just take it one day at a time and see if we can mesh these personalities.

  104. Very well written. I can relate. Difference being, people think I am an extrovert by how I engage around them and then are thrown off when I retreat to be alone and don’t contact anyone. I can fit in with others but I find it extremely emotionally and physically draining so I end up needing to recharge. Extroverts get energy from people, Introverts lose their energy to people.

    I recently took the Myers and Brigg’s personality test. I am a INFJ. Rarest of the personalities and very misunderstood. I recommend taking the test online. http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test It helped me understand why I demand so much alone time and that it is by no means a bad thing. We are all wired so differently.

    Admittedly, I do wish sometimes that I had more of a psychological barrier between myself and others. That way I could not be so much of a sponge for other people’s emotions and I could just relax and be around people more often. It’s a complicated life.

  105. Im an introvert, but my experience is very different from Dave’s. I have a twin so i was never really alone. high school was a blur to me, i never tried to make friends. i just did my thing, talk to people, had a few school friends and got my grades and went on to university. basically u can say i was living in my twin world, and could care less about fitting in. when i was in university, i cant stand parties or drinking, or doing crazy shit the other ppl were doing so i usually keep to myself. Im a very straight arrow by anyone’s standards and I m the type that refuses to bend my principals for anything. i had a part time job while studying at university, and i was the funniest person there. i genuinely cared for all the people i worked with, and often offered to do favors for them. there were many people told me that I made their life easier and happier. some of them asked me to hang out with them, but i always refused. there was a time a girl working there asked if we were friends, i told her no we are not because i dont feel that she is my friend. in hindsight i should have said something better, but i find it hard to say white lies. i made 1 best friend in university, and i hang around him. honestly i think all introverts are longing for a friend that really understand them, and spend time with them.

    I once told my friend, im so glad im not a social outcast, because i dont socialize enough for ppl to outcast me LOL. tbh weirdos, geeks, or dorks of the university have more friends than i did, and i envy them.

    but yes i do envy people with large group of friends, and have relationships so easily. it takes me awhile to get use to someone. sometimes i wonder what the hell did i do with my life.

    Its funny tho, if i tell people im introverted, very few people will believe me. only after they know me for a very long time on a personal level, do they realize im introverted. i dont look introverted, and i talk alot at work. i can be sociable if i was put in a situation where im required to be. honestly, i laughed a lot, and had a lot of fun at work but the moment im done with work, i cant wait to get home and talk to those ppl i truly click with.

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