The Confusing Life of an Introvert & Why it is so Dangerous to Force Ourselves to Become Extroverts
For the longest time, I tried to convince myself I was an extrovert. In high school, I talked with everyone. I didn’t have many friends, but I had hundreds of acquaintances. Every day I would walk onto my high school campus and talk with as many people as I could. I would shake their hands, ask them how they were doing, what they were studying and what their future plans were. I loved the feeling of acceptance and the fact that I could “relate” with most of my classmates. It was an amazing rush, to be acknowledged by everyone. In fact by the time I graduated, I knew almost everyone on campus. However, there was a major problem.
I was really suffering inside.
By the time I got home, I was so mentally drained that I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I would go to my room and spend hours and hours by myself. And that was the problem, I was always alone. It didn’t matter how many hands I shook, or how friendly I was to everyone- in “reality” no one at school really cared about me. When school was over, I would be alone. No one ever called me, no one ever asked me to go to a party or to study with them, or go to a movie or to a fair. Yes I had two friends, but even they ended up leaving me. By the time I was a sen,or in high school I had no friends. When school ended, David was just another loner who everyone ignored. I know that life is a two-way street, and that I could have called some of classmates- but the problem was that, I was introverted. I was scared to talk on the phone, I was scared of going to parties, I was scared of ”hanging” out with other people. However, I had convinced myself that the reason why I was “alone” was because no one cared about me.
(http://barbaralayla.blogspot.com/2010/07/misunderstanding-introverts-part-one.html)
As I noted above, that is not true. Unfortunately, I had convinced myself that I was an extrovert, but in “reality” I was an introvert. It has taken me years and countless fuck ups to realize that I’m an introvert. In college, I tried to make myself the life of the party. I started drinking heavily, I went to parties, I was “friends” with the football team and I always had alcohol with me. The problem was, I did not fit in. The football players made fun of me, messed with my head and treated me like utter shit when I was really drunk. But I didn’t care, I thought that meant I was part of the “football” group. It got so bad that I almost ended killing myself.
(warning the following is very graphic and might contain triggers) There was this party that I attended. I was already drunk when I got there, but I was so desperate to fit in that I started drinking even more. There were no clean cups, so I just picked up a random red cup that had been tossed on the ground. I went to one of the kegs and poured myself a drink, and then another, and then another, and then another. It was around that time someone walked up to me with a gallon of tequila. I was feeling “daring” at that moment, so I took the bottle and started chugging. About a minute later I stopped. I had consumed half the bottle. The other guy was impressed, but told me to be careful. I really didn’t care because I was having “fun.”
I stumbled towards the backyard and found a group of people drinking a bottle of jagermeister. I was intrigued, so I grabbed the bottle and started chugging. It was horrible tasting- warm, thick and sweet. But I just kept drinking until I finished it. Handing the bottle back to the group, I stumbled towards the house. Once inside, I tried dancing, but all I ended up doing was falling over. One of my “friends” came over to me, lauged at me for being so drunk and tore my shirt and punched me. I was pissed, but I was so drunk I couldn’t do anything about it. So I walked outside and found another group to “hang out” with. Someone in the group slapped my back, I stumbbled a bit
and then I found myself in my bed covered in vomit. It was the next morning.
I had a splitting headache. Pushing myself up, I realized that I had vomit all over me. My sink was filled with vomit, my shoes were filled vomit and half my room was destroyed. At that point I realized I had blacked out. It was about 10 pm when the black out started and I woke up around 9:30 am the next morning. I don’t know how I survived that night. Not only did I have alcohol poisoning, but I vomited while sleeping and luckily I didn’t choke on it.
(http://pleated-jeans.com/2011/11/07/extrovert-vs-introvert/)
This was one of the worst experiences of my life. In fact this is the first time I have written or thought about it in 7 years. As a result of my desperate attempt to be extroverted, I made a complete ass of myself, destroying most of my “friendships” because of my actions that night, as well as almost killing myself. As a result of the psychological trauma I had experienced, I never went out again. In fact, I spent the rest of that school year in my dorm room (I was in a single), only leaving to go to class or to get food.
Unfortunately, this was the first of many tramatic experiences I put myself through, because I was still convinced that I was an extrovert. In fact, one of the main reasons I started abusing pain killers was because they allowed me to become an extrovert. It truly amazes me, how desperate I was to be an extrovert. And I know I am not the only one. There are a tremendous amount of introverts in this world and if we are too survive, we need to be better understood. Yes, there has been a lot more attention placed on the plight of introverts, but that is not enough. Our world, unfortunately has been built for extroverts and until we can accept the fact that not everyone is an extrovert and that introverts are not deficient, maybe we can finally start healing the psychological wounds.
I want to end this post with a few questions: How many of you are introverts? And what has your life been like? (experiences, struggles, addictions etc) Or how many of you are extroverts and what is your opinions of introverts?
That is all I can write at the moment, but I hope you are all doing well 
Dave.
P.s I am looking for guest bloggers, so if you are intrested please email me at: manicdepressiveblog@yahoo.com I am also interested in writing guest blog posts for other sites.
I too am an introvert , but I have always wanted to be an extrovert. I have tried very hard in the past but no matter what I did I just didn’t fit in. The funny part is though that all the people I know tell me that I’m so outgoing, but that’s the thing it’s a mask I ware and then get home and just crash from the effort. My husband doesn’t understand when I tell him I wish I had more friend or could go out and do things, he just looks at me and stares the says “but you never go out, how can you do either of those if you just stay in the house all the time?” It’s just so hard to make people understand how I feel.
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Wow! I’m similar to this, at work people think I’m this loud talkative person, but I really struggle to go, hence being off at the moment. Every day I come home and I’m drained because the ‘happy face’ I put on is so exhausting. When I was a teenager I did drink & that gave me the false courage to go out but I don’t drink now, epilepsy, anti depressants etc so not wise. I’m terrified and recently diagnosed with social anxiety.
I’m painfully introverted as well. There have been so many times when I just wanted to fit in and be social with everyone, but it is just too much for me to do so. Unlike your experience where you pushed yourself too far out there, I tend to hide and be avoidant. I am much better with one to three people when I don’t get overwhelmed.
If you’re interested, I wrote a short post wondering of being an introvert corresponds well to being Bipolar Type I or II (http://fishrobber.wordpress.com/2011/12/21/extroverts-and-introverts/) . I’m curious which type you are.
I wish I had learned that earlier, that I do better in small groups, because I wouldn’t have put myself through such hell. At least, now I know I do good in very small groups, at most 3 people, maybe 4, because like you I get overwhelmed really easily when I’m around a lot of people. Some days, I can’t even leave my apt, because I am so scared of the people beyond my front door, it just seems safer to stay inside, but then I get lonely, which increases my depression. It is all cyclical and very annoying.
I will definitely check out your post on introversion and bipolar disorder. I’m type I with mixed episodes.
thanks again for stopping by
Dave.
I have known I’m an introvert but was always told that is a bad thing and that I should change that. For over 50 years I tried to change. I had counselling. I tried meds. I’ve been diagnosed with stress related problems which put me in the hospital. I am now wondering if some psych meds are for extroverts and can be damaging to introverts. I hated those vivid dreams from prozac so I cut out the psych stuff except for an occasional xanax. My job requires I interact a lot with people. In addition I am a supervisor over for 10 people. If my performance reviews are correct, I am excellant with what I do so my supervisor has pushed me to do more and more, get out, interact, network. When I come home, I’m exhausted and can’t do anything. My doctor has advised me to consider retiring because I’m killing myself with stress but I can’t afford it. In all the counselling, no one ever told me that I’m an introvert and that’s OK. Here are some ways to cope with being an introvert, some ways to recharge. Instead it was that I was different from other people, that’s wrong, here are some ways to interact more and be more like other people. It is just recently someone told me to read “Quiet” by Susan Cain. Now I’m finding out why I am the way I am and that’s OK. I hope its not too late for my introverted children. I can see how the world has beat them up.
I’m definitely another conflicted introvert. I’m not comfortable being an introvert in the least. I feel that as an introvert we should just be okay with being alone at home, but I’m not. Instead, I’m just sitting here wishing I had friends, wishing I could leave the house but the anxiety is too great. It is nice, however, to see there’s other people out there going through the same problems. I’m also living in China as an ex-pat which has increased the feeling of loneliness and isolation ten-fold. I just can’t seem to connect to any of the people I’ve met here. I just feel so totally different from them, I may as well be an alien. Anyway, I recently wrote a blog about how I’ve been feeling if anyone is interested and/or can relate. I’m open to having internet/pen-pal friends if anyone wants to chat further. My e-mail is Christina.donahue1@gmail.com
http://cdonahue1988.wordpress.com/2012/05/09/the-specifics-hardly-matter/
Christina,
I know exactly how you are feeling, the conflicting feelings of wanting to isolate ourselves but at the same time yearning for the connection with other people. I struggle with that everyday and like you I hate being introverted, I hate thinking that everyone is staring at me, that they talking behind my back, putting me down, belittling me and secretly plotting to destroy me. I know these thoughts are a little extreme but that is how I feel every time I walk into a room filled with people I don’t know. And like you I constantly wishing I had friends, constantly putting myself down because I am alone, because no one wants me. But like you pointed out it’s great to meet someone else who is similar.
That must be fascinating living in China, but I can see how that could further the feelings of isolation and loneliness. Hang in there, it gets better, even though life seems like shit, it slowly will stabilize.
Please forgive me for not responding earlier, I’ve been extremely depressed, which has destroyed my motivation.
I hope you are well,
Dave.
Im only laughing because I can relate. I’ve learned to laugh things off because I cant help my actions sometimes. I do things because I simply want to and I walk away when I dont know how to deal with the situations. I need the time to reflect on my answers. Im quite are always idealistic but not so well planned, this is where I need the extroverts help. Extroverts keep me inbetween and my head down to earth. I go completely insane when I dont have a extroverts input I need them I crave their attention and stability. But then I hate this cause I dont like feeling over powered like I am weak because Im not. When an extrovert hurts my feelings i go into hiding. If its that bad I stay home for days, avoid people and become more anti than ever. This has become a terrible problem at home and school. I need help I need somewhere to vent. What do I do I need to feel balanced. I am also abusing drugs and getting drunk whenever I can
I am just now accepting that I am an introvert. I always knew but I always tried to fight it and try to make friends with people that I had nothing in common with. I feel so alone because the couple of close friends I do have are extreme extroverts and get along with everybody. All of my family are extroverts and have many friends and connections. As for me I just sit quietly at home and do my own thing. My family always tries to get me out of the house and ask me why I am not out with “friends” and I can never give them an answer they can understand. I avoid public occasions and parties where I don’t really know anyone for the my fear of sitting in the corner of the room and being the lonely person like I do all the time. I feel like anyone who talks to me takes pity on me rather than they think I am a person they can see a friendship with.
I’m an extrovert but married to an introvert. While he likes socialising with people in small numbers hes not so keen on large gatherings, which I can understand. He needs the time to recharge and sometimes he needs encouragment to go out and socialise with those small groups – when he does he has a good time though! As we have a dog who doesnt like being left we use him as an excuse to leave parties/ functions early if hes had enough. I can find it hard as I want to be going out a lot more and I have a larger range of friends – but he wants to spend time with me so much. When we do spend time together at home, we dobt talk much we just tend to enjoy each others company. Again as an extrovert this can be fustrating but we both accep
*accept that we have different needs. He accepts that I want to go out more and I accept that I will be going out alone. We went to an overnight wedding last month involving him getting a lift from someone he had never met and spending the whole day trying to socialise! We made sure we took plenty of breaks throughout the day, including just a short walk round a garden without talking, just to try and recharge for a bit. He suffers from depression at times though, due to ocxasional paranoia that everyone thinks bad things about him and from
*From struggling to find employment – every job seems to require good customer service skills or interpersonal communication. Together we make it work though – we respect each others space and needs because we understand we are so different. When he gets onto a subject he finds interesting he is very hard to shut up! Makes up for me wanting to talk all the time.
Sarah,
I really appreciate your comment and the fact that you and your husband are able to work together so well- it gives me hope that maybe I will find someone some day that will understand me.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting,
Dave.
I am an introvert, too. I always feel lonely and wish if someone care about me. I tried too much to care about my friends, try to apear at the time they were upset to prove that I am a good friend. But later they never acted like me when I was upset. So sometime I hated them, because they were so ungrateful. But then I thought I should not think like that. I tried to care about them more and more, and also my mental wound was bigger. I wish someone understand me, care me like I care them.
every introverted thinks they are alone in the world … I’m introverted and I had great problems before I found my true friends … Believe in Jesus, and let Him help you!
We’re introverts, we have some same problems, so we’re friends!
i know how you feel, my father is very pushy on me when it comes to get a job, hi’s always telling me that i have to help the house since im already grown up and able to do so, but finding a job is almost impossible for me, im scared to even ask at restaurants or other stores, after finishing highschool instead of going to college i told my dad that i wanted to take a year of school and work on a job that didnt require me to interact with too much people and so i started working with him on construction but the company separated us after a few months for no particular reason. it did help me tho since i started learning co-worker interaction skills at the very least and made some good money, i also had thoughts what the fuck was i doing on a world in which i dont fit in, to tell you the truth putting the extrovert mask on for 10 hours a day makes those thoughts go away, by the time you get home you’r too tired to even think of that.
oops replied to the wrong comment…
I am also an introvert. I have a couple of close friends but they seems to have a lot of friends and find it hard to have time for me. Sometimes I drop them a message to find out how they r doing, with the fear that they are not going to reply me and I am going to lose them as my close friends. As a person like me, I find it hard to communicate within a large group of people. Sometimes, I even stammer when I am forced to reply a question ask by someone in a large group. I really feel ashamed to be myself and I frequently questions my existence on this world. I want a change in me, I desire to be someone able to hang out in large group too. However, I just cant do it. Now, I am having my school vacation but I am having trouble with myself to go out and get a temporary job. I am scared, seriously scared that I am not able to do well in the job so I will rather stay at home and rot the time away. Although my mom didnt say anything, I can feel that she is terribly upset with me. I once told her that I do not want to work because I have problems confronting my fear to talk to others. She wants me to go and receive proper treatment in the mental hospital but I refused to. I feel that I have no one to talk to, no one to relate my problems to.
Wow. I could swear I wrote that blog…I’ve never met anyone that felt the same way. Recently I’ve started thinking really hard about why I get so tired after a day out, why I crave to be alone. I thought maybe I have some disease that went undiagnosed, maybe it’s my diet.
But now I realise the reality of it..however I still don’t believe being so socially anxious is a permanent condition. Maybe it’s because we’re socially inequipped..I know people that were really shy and then became super confident after they just went out and started talking to random people. Slowly they gained confidence in themselves and learned to calibrate their interactions..
Sure, The Game by Neil Strauss is geared towards men looking to seduce women, but I think the principles of Inner Game apply here as well.
Im currently a student at college and through out my life ive began to realise that ive always prfered my own company, and this feeling of enjoying my own company has got stronger over time.
Im not sure if its related to being an introvert or i just find it difficult to find a common interest with people my age. Im not saying all; but many people my age consider a good night being getting pissed, taking somthing, or sleeping with someone. And out of them three i cant really see how u could have a constructive conversassion.
whats worse is, and ive never done this diliberatly but ive been told that some people feel as if i look down on them, for example when a joint is being handed around i often pass on it with out taking anything, and in some casses someone gets narky about it, which i dnt understand, i don’t condiscend them or tell them that its bad for them and that crap, cause in all honestety i couldnt care less what there taking as long as they dont force it on to me.
so to tally up my thougths, i dnt considered to be a introvert but might just be mature for my age, and don’t need what some people need to enjoy things.
can anyone relate, or see a similar cause??
Just wondering…how many of you are from well-off families? Sometimes I wonder if this is a problem that can go away once you become successful and have access to a better quality of life. I definitely had many negative events throughout my life, and I am from a low income family also.
I didn’t have quite that dramatic of an experience, but I completely understand it. I was really quiet all through elementary school, and all through middle school. I got picked on a lot, and I learned to be shy because of the situation. At some point I decided I wanted more friends. When I started going to public school I made a lot more of them, and things were mostly fine. I felt a strong desire to be a *good* friend and made efforts to call people and be “perfect”. Some time during high school I started hating myself because I couldn’t stop talking. I had become this mindless motormouth, and I was tired of hearing myself speak. I still have this problem, by the way. I also felt like I was annoying everyone around me. I didn’t make an effort to be invited to anything, and I didn’t hang out anywhere in an effort to spend time alone in my room. After school I would be exhausted and I’d spend hours doing nothing but daydreaming about stories I wanted to write, but didn’t have the energy to spend (writing was something I learned to do well, but I’m only naturally average).
Now I work at this horrible job for me because I wasn’t paying any attention when I took it. I earn my money by TALKING on the phone for eight hours a day. And I usually think I’m going to die by the end of it. I get in trouble because I spend too much unavailable time. I sometimes just sit, but usually I start drawing to calm myself down. If I didn’t know that other people were extroverts, I would think that it was unethical to ask someone to do that job all day. I find myself wishing I’d just pass out. I don’t really want the attention that it would bring, but at least I wouldn’t be conscious. And then I could take a few more days off, with an obvious doctor’s excuse. I have to go to the doctor for an ongoing ear infection too (its been around for almost a year at least)… I’m sort of hoping that they will tell me I can’t talk on the phone.
I’m 54 and an introvert. Me and my family knew it at a very young age. I dealt with it and tried to change but just couldn’t. Most of the time I enjoy it but there are times when I really feel like I am missing out on. I wasted a 4-year college degree on a medical career that only lasted two years because of the daily stress of non-stop personal interaction was killing me. Met a great girl (extrovert but not to excess) who accepted me for who I am. But during 30 years of marriage that has hit some rough times because she is my only friend but if there are issues between us i have no one to talk to but she has others. Got an issue coming up where she is actively planning a large family gathering at our house for Thanksgiving and it is only August and I am almost physically sick thinking about it. Guess I will just soldier on.
I’m an introvert but don’t always like it. I need time to myself to recharge and I enjoy having time alone, but I often wish I could be one of those people who has a solid group of friends. My significant other is an extrovert and has a lot of friends. I often feel like a freak next to him since he has so many friends and I don’t. I get so awkward around people I don’t know. I’m not able to just relax and be myself. So I come across as boring and serious even though on the inside I don’t feel that way. It can be tough.
Very introverted here. I did manage to learn social skills during my decade long waitressing career, but it was not easy. I cried many, many, many, MANY tears of frustration in trying to be successful with an already stressful job that forces constant interactions, which also greatly influences your salary. I did eventually learn the fake small talk which allowed me to excel at the job.
Much more to my liking, is my current career of network admin work. The skills learned in restaurants are indispensible for the interactions with co-workers. I am very glad that I stuck with the restaurant business. I doubt I would be as successful without the lessons learned.
I love my recharge time. Our secretary is perplexed at my ability to happily dine alone during lunchtime. Its nice not to worry about what I will do for lunch until I’m in my car deciding which way to go.
Anyhoo…Found the site looking for some information to pass along to ‘caring’ individuals who strongly feel that I need to interact with more people.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I can relate with them.
Hi! So many of you are saying things that I could have written myself. I love quieter pursuits: reading, computer work, language study, knitting, photography ….. parties and large gatherings freak me out. I worry that if I go somewhere no-one will talk to me and I will look obvious and lonely. This rarely happens but it is still a real fear for me. I have 3 good friends and a few aquaintances – that is all apart from my husband and kids. I worry every day about how other people see me – whether they think I am a loser for not having a big group of friends to go out with. Does all this make sense? What I am needing please is communication from other people like myself, so if you would like to email me please do so: rebeccacooper65@gmail.com
oh my god is so…liberating reading about other people like me, i acknowledged that im an introvert many years ago but up until now i had never heard or read anything about other people like me, my brother and sister are extroverts by nature and i being not only the middle one but also introvert felt (feel) like i was the ugly duck of the family.
it was really confusing during my school years for me to realize since whe would move often and i would have to transfer from one school to another but i guess it all started on my very first years of school, i was the official class loser, almost every one would pick on me all because i have a mole near my left ear well every one except my only friend who would often want to hang with the rest of the kids but he knew they would just made fun of me and i would be alone if he leaved me, so he hang up with me most of the time going to school in mexico is not fun at all if are different or strange in any way unless you knew how and had the courage to put up a fight with 4-5 kids which i couldnt do i was small thin and scared. the years when by and my only other friend in elementary school (my sister) graduated and then it was just me me and my class room, everything was “fine” or a least going as any other day but one of the other kids was looking at my friends notebook wich was covered in drawings he made (he was really good at drawing for his age) and stumbled on a drawing of a kid with the head of a fly (“fly” my nickname given by the other kids) i feel horrible, i tried to grab the drawing and rip it apart but my friend took the drawing away and started laughing with the rest of them, i was devastated, i ran out of the class room sat down on the floor right next to the door and started crying really hard, the teacher whent after me and started talking to me (he was a nice teacher i liked him alot) but i was just out of my head, i couldnt stop crying nor could i think right (i was 7 at the time i believe) since that day i just stoped talking at school i would often beg my parents so i could stay at home, my mom knew about what was happening and she would let me stay now and then but not everyday of course, she talked to my schools principal about what was happening but all they would tell her was “make him take self defence lessons” obviously they didnt give a shit about the kids, my mom told me that she would put a sock filled with rocks on my bagpack and if any one of those kids made fun of me i should take the sock and hit them in the head with it ( she was incredibly frustrated as well) but obviously i couldt go tru with something like that.
we moved at the end of that school year and i was transfered to another school, a new chance to start anew with new kids…so i thought and in truth i did find a good small group of friend and i was not bullied nearly as much as i was the year before, had my first crush, she broke my heart by telling me she had a crush on one of our friends before i could gather the courage to tell her my feelings, but i still stayed close to her containing my feelings was not hard since i was already doing it before she told me that, and i was actually happy with my life there, and then we moved again… i left my first good group of friends behind, and started junior highschool things started well, i had a good close friend and we would often hang out with the rest of the kids but would often just be me and him wracking havoc on the school but gradually he started changing, things we would do the year before would be too “childish” for him and slowly he became like the rest of the kids bullying on me intensified gradually but i had some means of defense now so it didnt go too far. junior high ended and i moved to Canada, on my first day of school i was terrified, i was so nervous my stomach hurt my hands where shaking and i could barely speak not only that i had to speak on english (which i could hardly understand let alone speak) and to top it off i was on montreal so people would have and even harder time understanding me since the official language there is french, many difficulties later i finally got to my classroom a few minutes after sitting down the kid right beside me says “dont worry” (on spanish) i almost bursted on tears but i managed to contain myself, i was way too relieved at the fact that there was some one i could at the very least ask a question or two little did i know that kid would become the best friend i could ever had we became friends almost instantly and he introduced me to another 3 kids one from korea and one from mongolia and one from mexico he was (well he still is i guess) from venezuela i lived the best year of my life there, i became the “leader” or our little group even tho no one called me that or talked about that we kinda knew cus i would often have the last on word on what we would do for almost everything it was like living a dream, every morning i would be anxious to get to school we would go out almost everyday hit on some girls skateboard and all that stuff then a bit less than a year later my parents decided we would move again, this time to calgary, i was never the kind to talk back on my parents decisions and i was too old to do a trantum…but i didnt care i refused and resisted the idea as much as i could but there was little i could do, we where struggling to get enough money to eat let alone pay bills or rent so we moved again… this is where what i learned on elementary school kicks in, even tho i could speak english at this point and no one picked on me at all i just be silent all day, i would take my lunch look around for a hiding spot where no one would be around and just eat my lunch silently while thinking of my old friends, and thast how its been for the past 5 years…
holy hell i just wrote a novel there, this is the first time i go tru the stuff that happened to me since i moved to canada… im tearing a bit.
so im not sure if im introvert by nature or made introvert, since im just going with my self made philosophy of being alone is the best way of being at ease.
I know exactly what you mean. I have 1,000 friendly acquaintances, but no real friends (literally none). Through 2nd and 4th grade I had about eight genuine friends at any given time, but then they dwindled off. It was mostly my fault, because people would invite me to their house constantly, but I never invited them to mine. I was worried that my bedroom was too dorky, or my parents were too embarrassing, or even that my house was too nice and they would think I was showing off (point blank my dad is loaded). Now that I think about it, I was just judging myself and feeling like I wasn’t at a high enough standard for anyone else. I also found myself making jokes at other people’s expense. I never tried to be mean, I just was never smooth with my words and was taken too seriously or misinterpreted. At a younger age when I actually had a few friends I could invite over (IF I did) I was really wacky and insane, but as I get older I feel more threatened by others’ opinions of me. I (try to) dress nicely. I don’t say and do the insane and wacky things I used to do. I was really impulsive and did anything I wanted, but now if I have anything to say at all that could be interpreted differently or I fear I might regret, I’ll stop myself. I’ll remind myself of the “freaks” and what most people think of them. People still like me, but I feel like they’re in such tightly knit cliques that I would be a burden thrust upon them to be at parties, get-togethers, etc. I constantly see things on Facebook that my “friends” (closest acquaintances) do and feel left out. It feels as though have no way of going back in, and nobody else cares. They have enough friends anyways, right? I’m afraid people say things behind my back and I’m one of the “freaks”. I don’t feel like an individual anymore, let alone MYSELF. I’ve been called “entertaining”, but I don’t know how to take that considering how many times I’ve been called to hang out in the past 3 years (which is zero, if you haven’t guessed already).
I don’t want to hear this “forget about the haters and enjoy life!” bullshit because I’ve heard it before, and it’s so much more easily said than done. Since marching band and sports are winding down, I’ll never see anyone after school. Being the comeback kid isn’t exactly possible. SCREW THIS I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
hi, its good to read and know that so many people went and are going through the same thing as myself. I have always been told that i should be more outgoing and make friends, i noticed that for some reason i would always be alone and rather watch what was going on from a distance, during school play time. I have made some good friends though but lost them over time…i really want to have a good or best friend, you know? someone to count on….i have tried so hard to be more sociable and most of the time i just get myself in trouble or called funny names. Sometimes i try so hard to make friends with some of my mates that didn’t end up well…it became awkward and weird…if you know what i mean. So most of the time i just stay on my own but really want to have friends because it is lonely at times and its even worst to meet girls!…i am scared to go to parties sometimes because i won’t want to be left on my own with nothing to talk about….and its even worst because i don’t like what most people like…i always wonder why that is so, but i pretend sometimes to do because i want to ‘fit-in’. its really no that i hate people or anything i just don’t know how to socialise and make friends..it is depressing at times and i havent ever spoken or told anyone this before….but it good to know there are others like me…
I realized in high school I was doomed to be an introvert but as time went by I realized it made me a better person. I had boyfriends and went to parties but I always carefully controlled myself and quietly observed other people’s behaviors. I’m really not sure why people liked me or if they really did but I didn’t really care because they were my entertainment and I was their wall flower. I am pretty and the boys liked to look at me which is ridiculous to think but you know how high school boys are and I think the popular girls accepted me because they knew their boyfriends were safe with me since it was a sort of joke that I required 4 feet of personal space in all directions.
In college it was more difficult but I always kept a boyfriend close for companionship which was sufficient as I would be included in their social circles. An online game, World of Warcraft, soon became a passion and it was so nice to have my close knit guild but I was becoming horribly addicted to the point of affecting my job so I was forced to abandon them. I miss them dearly, it’s been 4 years and I still miss them so much.
I am now married with 2 kids. I try so hard for them to be social and go on play dates. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I want to tell the mom to just stop talking she’s so annoying but I go back date after date for my kids and hope the driveling idiot will have something interesting to say for a change. I’ve changed mom friends a couple of times because let me tell you a secret. Being a stay at home mom is kinda rough. Being a working mom is rough to but at least in a work environment you get praise for your accomplishments or at least a paycheck. In the world of a stay at home mom, your husband expects more than he should from you because he has no idea what it’s like to try and get anything done with 2 babies hanging off you and the kids! Oh the kids are kids. Mine are under 2 so they have no sense of when I’m stressed out and continue to need and want everything THAT.VERY.MOMENT! And they can’t talk well so pointing, grunting, crying and babbling are your only communication from them. (I love that I can stay at home with them I just want to convey the frustration and stress that affects me day to day)
Anyway, my point is to try and embrace it. Guard yourself but get out. Let the extroverts chat you up, be yourself. Maybe they’ll think you’re snobbish or stupid but you are you. In high school I decided the only reason I worried about having no real friends was because other people thought it was weird or sad. Once I realized that I was fine. People can think what they want about me but that doesn’t change who I am. I am the girl in the corner with a book. Maybe I’m reading or maybe I’m quietly observing everyone around me to see who is a genuinely nice person and who will stab me in the back. I like that people don’t see me coming, the ones that think they can manipulate me because I’m shy and need a friend. The idiot guys who see a pretty, shy girl and think she’s easy because she needs a friend who I can mock when he hits on me and he probably won’t even understand wth just happened to him.
Being an introvert allows me to see things in the world that other people just don’t see. A lot of you don’t seem to realize how special we are. We know when someone is lying because we note these tiny queues out of instinct that we can’t even explain but it’s intuition that we’ve acquired over so many years of cautious observation. Introverts are special, we make the world go round from behind the curtain.
Ha ha ha, I found this website by typing in the phrase…’why is life to f#cking confusing?’…I guess I am a little introverted but at the same time I think it’s also a big lack of confidence and get confused between the two, thinking that I need to get more confidence and that it is a weakness, rather than just accepting who I am and shaping life around who I am rather than who I think I should be.
I was out with an old friend the other night, he is a complete EXtrovert and tends to take the p!ss out of me completely, in the end the time I spend with this ‘friend’ does not make me feel good about myself, and leaves me confused about who I am and what am I doing, as he makes me feel like a weak person and stupid. I guess it is time to accept who I am more and find people who accept me, easier said than done.
I think we all think life must be easier for extroverts as we live in a social world and it would be much easier to BE ‘social’, but the world needs people who are happy to be in their own company much of the time. The trick is finding the balance, perhaps meeting people through interests and activities which we gain cinfidence with, and gives us more common ground to relate with others, than simply getting drunk and talking aimless drivel all the time??!
Who knows, I’m still a little confused if very much more comforted by other people’s experiences and advice.
All the best to all!
I’m currently a senior in high school and I’ve been an introvert for as long as I can remember. Ironically, I DON’T want to be this way. I’ve always wanted to be a social butterfly but I just can’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not painstakingly shy – I just can’t seem to become sociable. Small-talk is one of my worst fears! I’ve always dreamt of being one of those people that could start a conversation with anyone. I always complain to my mom about how I don’t “go out” and do things that people my age do. She always tells me to “make friends”, but she will never understand that it’s not that easy.
I feel such comfort reading this article and all of the comments knowing I’m not alone. My parents would always describe me as a “loner” although I typically had a “best friend” that I would consistently hang out with. Right now (at age 34) it’s my boyfriend and my three dogs. I typically enjoy doing most things by myself and strangely I stopped feeing bad about it about a year ago. Every once and awhile I start to feel pressured to be like everyone at my work who loves to spill their personal information to everyone or all hang out drinking somewhere after work. One coworker went as far as calling me “boring” for being shy and blamed it on my rural upbringing (she was raised in NYC and I was raised on a ranch in rural CA). When I told her I preferred hiking and being in nature by myself to drinking and partying she looked at my like I had just sprouted horns. All I could think was that I was such a freak and then I realized I’m in my 30′s- I don’t have to be defined or put in a box by these people. Personally, I’ve began to think that people who can occupy themselves at home instead of needing to go out constantly are better off anyhow- especially at my age. I’ve finally come to peace with my introverted personality! If only I could leave my annoying, prying coworkers for a job with less interaction! Haha
Hi, I am 21 and a genuine introvert. I completed high school having made countless acquaintances, but zero real friends. I got up the courage to go to Michigan State University (I had originally planned on a MUCH smaller university), but dropped out after two years due to social anxiety. I am currently working as a waitress at a restaurant on campus and living with my parents. My life consists of waking up early each morning to exercise, a 30 minute commute to east lansing, 5 hours of (often) dull tasks at the restaurant, a 30 minute drive home, and watching old tv shows/ surfing the Internet until 9′oclock, when I get ready for bed. It has been like this for 2 years or so. I actually have a fiancé who lives/works in China that I met my first year of college but we have completely separate lives and rarely even email eachother. I doubt that we will ever get married, but he comes to visit maybe twice a year. Sometimes I think that he only continues the relationship because he likes being able to ignore me 10 monthes out of the year and have wild, passionate sex with me the other 2. I’m actually ok with this though. My parents just don’t like us doing it in the house. Haha. So yeah, life is odd for introverts.
i am an introvert too. And just like you, I have a lot of acquitances. Luckily, I have 4 bestfriends. 2 of them are introvert, and others are extrovert. In junior high school, they helped me a lot. But then we went to different senior high school. It was hard to struggle because no one really fits me.
I am a crazy girl, funny and seems to have a lot confidence. Even now I am a part of student council and in student council, there’s no introvert except me. God, can you imagine it? I am in a place where social skill is needed. It’s really hard, you know. And I dont know what should I do nowl
Though, I’m not a shy girl. Even I’m scared of walking alone. I ever got an introvert boyfriend. He didnt mind it when he had to walk alone. Maybe we were just a different type of introvert because he was a shy boy. Yet, we both find it’s hard to socialize with others.
btw, sorry for my poor english.
This post and the comments capture my life almost perfectly. This comment is likely going to be a long one (apologies in advance).
I have always been an introvert and I spent a large part of my childhood alone. I also used to stammer a lot as a kid. I loved music and picked up singing as a hobby when I was young which was highly soothing. It took a couple of years and numerous therapists for the stammer to reduce. In retrospect it was mostly because I would get highly tensed and nervous while speaking and with time I learnt to relax prior to any interaction which made a huge difference.
I moved schools often (family used to move often) which put a great deal of stress. But every time we moved I focused on making 2-3 good friends and spent as much time as possible with them. I never was the life of any party but it helped having 2-3 people to talk to whom I knew would always be there.
Undergrad was luckily very easy since a lot of my friends from school ended up in the same college. They quickly developed a large network of friends and most of the times I would meet people through them. I did not realise at that stage, but I was actually backpacking on the network of others.
After my undergrad I joined Big Oil, as a result of which I shifted countries and often continents every year. There were times I felt very lonely, but every time I felt this way I made it a point to go out and join a local hobby club – kayaking, or biking, etc. It somehow was much easier to meet people over a common hobby than in a social gathering or a pub where the conversations are often too superficial. I started taking courses online for the intellectual stimulation and used to join discussion forums to have some meaningful interaction.
Life now continues and at every stage I wonder if my career will crash at some point. Everyone around me has told me that without networking I will never progress and everyday of doing this is a challenge. I realise that I need to balance alone time with networking in the job and every day I look to push myself outside my comfort zone. Its stressful and often the best time in the day is coming back from work and reading a book or watching TV for an hour or two.
I know this will always be a challenge, but I figure the only way ahead is to fake extroversion (which takes a huge toll).